The New Credit Card Song

Lyrics

Well, I guess this story must begin That fateful day way back when They offered me that "no fee" credit card I checked 'yes' on the application Listed a few of my recommendations Sent it off in the mail, and in a month or so The mailman brought me my brand new charge-all card Better than checks, safer than money, and not near as dirty! Well, it laid around for a couple of days 'Til finally, I thought "Well, what the hay? Why not see if this thing'll really work!" So I went down to my favorite store Picked out three or four shirts or more A pair of pants and a gaudy tie And the man came by and said: "Yes Sir, cash or charge?" I said: "Just put it on my credit card Write that dude up! Whoa, convenient!" Well, I put that card away in a drawer And I never charged one dollar more Then one day in the mail I got this bill Above a little barcode in the box with the amount I owed Was the astronomical figure of $4200.32... When?! There's been a mistake! So I got on the phone.... "Hello? Hello?" Well, I got the usual phone menu: "Press 1 for this, for that press 2" And 20 minutes later, a real-life person came on the line I said "Sir, this may be hard to take But your computer has made a mistake It says I owe more money than I've ever seen" And he said "People like YOU make mistakes Our computer scans your personal barcode And computers do not lie. Send us the bread. PDQ!" Well, I got off the phone and I got the bill out And I looked at that barcode he talked about And there it sat, in all its black line glory So I got my kid's ruler and a flare pen And startin' with the code on the left end I drew a few extra lines, where there hadn't been any lines before Then I drew a few more Added some numbers and a Chinese expletive Drove my moped over it Stick that up your computer! I sent her back in and never heard no more 'Til one day the mailman came to the door With a special delivery from the charge-all place Inside was a note in a cheery mode Said: "Our computer scanned your personal code And it tells us you've overpaid your bill! Enclosed is a check payable to you... for $17,000! We appreciate your business" Well, I got back on the telephone Plowed through the menu 'til the guy came on And I said: "Sir, I think there is something you should know" Then I told him what the computer had done And I said "Well, just remember, you're the one Who told me computers do not lie. Thank you!"