The Coin Machine

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Now, I'm not one to get all excited I'm seldom tense and never uptight But there's one thing that really makes me mad And that's coin machines, those nickels-and-dimers Those out-of-order and work one-timers Those penny-penching, money-grubbing monsters I mean now, how many times have you had the munchies So you whip out some change for some peanut crunchies And you put it in the slot, you pull the handle and just nothin' So you cuss and you beat it till your hand is bluе You push and you shove, and you kick it with your shoe And finally you just walk away, while it's blinking "thank you!" Which is machinе for "We just did it to you" [Chorus] Oh, I'd like to meet the man who invented the coin machine He must have hated mankind and every other living thing I'll bet he had a motto on his wall in prose and rhyme Sayin' you get nothin' for a nickel, twice as much for a dime [Verse 2] Well, they'll offer you cigarettes, soft drinks, cigars Barbecue potato chips and all kinda candy bars Peanuts, popcorn, cracker jacks and red hots You can pay a quarter for a nickel comb Get a throw away razor and a shot of cologne Get a bad shoeshine that even polishes your socks But I think the worst of those with the glass Where you can see what you want, but you can bet your last There ain't no way short of a blow torch You're gonna get anything outta there Then how 'bout those on the men's room wall You know what I mean, boys, you've seen 'em all When you lose six bits in one of them boogers You're just too embarrassed to complain So you kinda go on home by yourself [Chorus] Oh, I'd like to meet the man who invented the coin machine He must have hated mankind and every other living thing I'll bet he had a motto on his wall in prose and rhyme Sayin' you get nothin' for a nickel, twice as much for a dime [Verse 3] Well, I heard this story about a fella one time Who certainly is a hero of mine He ranks right up there with Ernest Hemingway Chet Adkins and Steven Seagall Seems there was this certain soft drink machine It was rusty and old, cantankerous and mean And it took him for one too many quarters and his mind snapped He went out to the truck and reached under the seat And he whipped out a .45, clean and neat He walked up to that machine and said: "Hand it over, it's your last chance" Then he plugged that thing about three or four times Right under that blinkin' "Have a Cola" sign It coughed and spit out $400 worth of quarters and died Judge called it self defense [Chorus] Oh, I'd like to meet the man who invented the coin machine He must have hated mankind and every other living thing I'll bet he had a motto on his wall in prose and rhyme Sayin' you get nothin' for a nickel, and twice as much for a dime You get nothin' for a nickel, and twice as much for a dime