happy/crazy

Lyrics

​iv. happy/crazy SUSAN ​on some nights ​i was filled with abounding joy ​reveling in the absurdity of my situation ​alone in a birch tree forest in latvia ​while the world slowly crumbled apart ​i'd deck myself out ​in my grandmama's jewels and shawls ​dance and prance about the house ​feeling her energy radiate off my adornments ​exquisite objects that my grandmama wore ​such craft and care ​they hold a piece of her ​they are alive ​i hugged my grandmama's ghost ​dazzling in the slipstream ​marveling at my solitude ​i am a speck ​i am a speck! ​i am a tiny tiny tiny tiny spеck! ​and oh i like this! ​i like when thе boys are away ​i like when the world is away ​i can laugh and play ​and sing and swing ​and bipbop sting ​and tickle myself ​maybe that's what i really want from a partner: ​you tickle me for a bit ​i tickle you for a bit ​and then you go the fuck away ​leave me on my own ​in a blisscloud of weed and wine ​and i am so SUSAN, POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF ​happy right now ​i know that i shouldn't be happy ​but i am so happy right now SUSAN ​so happy and fucking new POOKIE, BECKETT & WOLF ​happy right now… SUSAN ​no responsibilities ​no bullshit— ​just life and trees ​the joy and simplicity of being alive ​but then, there were other nights… ​ / / / ​i feel a bubble of panic inside ​my core is a razor blade waiting to die ​a fire is fuzzing its way up my throat ​as my stomach and liver and brain all revolt ​birch tree branch smoke ​​stinging my eyes ​chair tips back ​and i fall through the sky ​heart skip vertigo ​spasm and shock ​what if my heart gives out? ​what if my mind goes out? ​alone in the forest ​porch swing chain creaks close to collapse ​there's no way that i can think out of this trap ​cut bare feet on a dizzy tightrope ​when will catastrophe find me? BECKETT & WOLF ​fuck around and find out ​fuck around and find out ​fuck around and find out ​fuck around and find out… SUSAN ​why am i like this? ​why do i need this? ​these constant narcotic distractions— ​stimulation in my mouth POOKIE ​miss susan! SUSAN ​annihilation on my mind POOKIE ​pook pook pook! SUSAN ​poke poke poking ​at the shimmering veil ​outrunning my thoughts in the thickets ​ POOKIE ​come on miss susan— SUSAN ​where are the crickets now? ​you little liars… POOKIE ​time for bed! ​ / / / SUSAN ​crazy person, coming in ​i stumble in ​and clutch the wall ​this house is too big for me ​the hall looms so long ​i slide and fall ​(susan crashes into a crystal bowl; it shatters.) ​fuck! POOKIE ​miss susan! SUSAN ​the crystal shatters ​shards in a thousand directions POOKIE (angry) ​miss susan no! SUSAN, SADIE, BECKETT & WOLF ​if the crystal had a soul ​are there now a thousand souls ​scattered all across the kitchen floor? ​and if the house has a soul ​was the crystal part of that soul? ​is it hurting now? ​am i a part of the soul of this house? ​am i a part of the soul of this world? SUSAN ​and if i once shared a soul ​what is left after the break? ​(grandfather appears before the record player, staring at the ​spinning disk.) GRANDFATHER ​crazy ​i'm crazy for feeling— SUSAN ​grandpapa? ​grandpapa is that you? GRANDFATHER ​​crazy ​i'm crazy for feeling— SUSAN ​you abandoned them! ​how dare you leave them! GRANDFATHER ​crazy ​i'm crazy for feeling— SUSAN ​reach out, pull back ​reach out, pull back— ​so fucking crazy GRANDFATHER ​crazy ​i'm crazy for feeling— SUSAN (burning herself) ​the cigarette burns my arm ​i can feel the burn— (grandfather disappears; susan knocks over a tower of books.) ​this is why he left me— POOKIE (taking on a demon voice) ​reckless! SUSAN ​i know! POOKIE ​irresponsible child! SUSAN ​i know i know! POOKIE ​you have no impulse control! SUSAN ​i know i know i know! POOKIE ​i do not care for chaos miss susan ​do not upset your pūķis! BECKETT & WOLF ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​fuck around find out ​(susan passes out on the floor.)