The Math of Love Triangles

Lyrics

[REBECCA] What's a girl to do when she's stuck between men It's like she's a Barbie with two perfect Kens But wait, it just occurred to me Maybe I can solve this with geometry Yes, smarts can help this sitchywation untangle So professors: teach me The math of love triangles (spoken) Yay, time for book facts! [TEACHERS] A triangle is a polygon With three edges and three vertices Take the base times the height, cut that in half To find the area of the surfaces [REBECCA] Uh-huh, I wasn't really listening, but I can see The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me! The math of love triangles Isn't hard to learn [TEACHERS] You're not taking in what we're saying We're a little bit concerned [REBECCA] Yes, the math of love triangles Is as simple as can be Whichever Tom or Dick I might pick The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me! [TEACHERS] Actually a triangle has multiple centers This triangle's scalene [REBECCA] That's astute So I need to decide which man's more acute [TEACHERS] Here's Pythagoras' Theorem [REBECCA] Will this help me choose? If not I'll be swinging from a hypote-noose [TEACHERS] Let's take a look at what this line bisects [REBECCA] Is that spelled B-I-S-E-X? [TEACHERS] Those are good puns but please pay attention [REBECCA] Oh no, professors, am I facing suspension? Whee, a swing! It's literal suspension! The math of love triangles Isn't hard to learn [TEACHERS] We're starting to suspect You don't sincerely want to know about triangles [REBECCA] Yes, the math of love triangles Is as simple as can be I need to choose between men, but until then The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me Is this a triangle? [TEACHERS] No, that's a shoe [REBECCA] Is this a triangle? [TEACHERS] No, that's you [REBECCA] So I'm a triangle? [TEACHERS] What? No [REBECCA] One, two, three, six, eight, three, go! [MATT, spoken] You don't seem to know how to count [SCOTT, spoken] We are sincerely worried about you [REBECCA] Catch me! [JEFF, spoken] You're ruining the number! [TEACHERS] This angle's right [REBECCA] Which angle's right? [TEACHERS] No, not right like correct [REBECCA] Ooh, are you erect? [TEACHERS] No, 90 degrees [REBECCA] That's really erect! The math of love triangles Is super duper fun [TEACHERS] We're tired of all your tangents That's also a triangle pun [REBECCA] Ooh, thanks for teaching me man math! You all deserve a kiss [TEACHERS] Lady, we're all gay We get nothing out of this [REBECCA] Neither man will notice My learning disability 'Cause the center of the triangle Is lil' old Sexy little baby Me!