​bad friend

Song Meaning

The narrator confronts a self-perceived failure in maintaining friendships, painting a picture of isolation despite geographical proximity to friends. They dismiss past routines like late-night studying and even the "circle of fifths," suggesting a detachment from former life structures. Yet, this detachment is contrasted with a yearning for connection, as evidenced by the specific mention of friends like Adam, Elijah, Tori, and Maggie, all seemingly thriving elsewhere while the narrator feels stuck and unhappy, even hating a place like Brooklyn where they tried to live. The core tension lies in the narrator's active admission of being a "bad friend" versus the underlying desire for connection. They describe being "glued to my phone" but never responding, a clear sign of withdrawal. The phrase "I don't get attached / I know it'll end" reveals a preemptive defense mechanism, pushing people away before they can leave. This self-sabotage stems from a deep-seated fear of abandonment and a belief that relationships are inherently temporary. The lyrics powerfully illustrate this through stark contrasts in friendship experiences. The narrator's girlfriend has a decade-long friendship marked by shared resilience through "cancer" and "fighting through tears," a level of intimacy the narrator clearly lacks. This is juxtaposed with their own "best friend" leaving after the narrator came out as gay, a deeply personal rejection that likely cemented the narrator's belief in the fragility of bonds and their own unlovability. The bridge further hints at internalized shame, recalling a father's advice to "look out for myself" because "nobody likes chubby girls," suggesting that early insecurities have shaped their adult relationships. Ultimately, the effectiveness of these lyrics comes from their raw, unflinching honesty about self-sabotage and the pain it causes. The narrator doesn't shy away from their flaws, repeatedly stating "I'm a bad friend." This self-awareness, coupled with the specific, relatable examples of missed connections and past hurts, creates a poignant portrait of someone struggling with intimacy and connection, trapped by their own defenses and past traumas.