Tell Me, Ernest

Lyrics

[MADELINE] So tell me, Ernest, what would you do to me? Aesthetically? A lift, a tuck, a freeze, a suck, some filler in the chin? [ERNEST, spoken] Oh, goodness, no [MADELINE] No, really, tell me, Ernest, if you had your way with me Medically, are we talking face, chest, thighs, breasts? Oh, God, I don't know where to begin What about this vein on my leg? I stressed it out from doing squats on the reg Do you have time on Tuesday to squeeze me in? [HELEN, spoken] I told you, Ernest doesn't really do that [ERNEST, spoken] But she's a friend, Tuesday's doablе [MADELINE, spoken] Mm, doable, huh? [MADELINE] So, tell me, Ernеst, how much have you seen of me, cinematically? The roms, the coms, the rom-coms, the dramas, the dramedies [HELEN] The straight-to-DVDs [MADELINE] No, really, Ernest, how often have you watched me? [ERNEST, spoken] Uh, sporadically? [HELEN, spoken] What? [ERNEST] I really liked the one where you were fighting with a sword [MADELINE] Oh, Thrust! [HELEN, spoken] That was her first Razzie award [MADELINE] You know I did all my own stunts I only injured all of my co-stars once Now swordplay foreplay's one of my specialties We need another bottle I must be boring you senseless I'm just so thrilled that you both are here Treat her well, I haven't seen Hel this happy in years [ERNEST] Well, hear, hear [HELEN] Thank you, Mad, so sincere [MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST] Cheers I'm so glad we did this [HELEN, spoken] Well, this has been so much fun, but oh, gosh, look at the time [MADELINE, spoken] Oh, please, you don't have anywhere else to be Our Helen, always worrying [MADELINE, sung] But tell me, Ernest How's Helen in the sack? [HELEN] Mad! [MADELINE] Just curious I've known this girl for twenty years And never have I ever heard her make a uh-uh-woah [HELEN, spoken] Hey! [MADELINE] Oh, lighten up, Ernest! [HELEN, spoken] We should be heading back [MADELINE] Uh-oh, she's furious Come on, Hel You know I'm just having fun Ooh, we've only begun A toast to friends for life That's right, you're stuck with me, Ernie Thank your wife [HELEN] Well, it's been fun, but we gotta go I think I'm done, gonna hit the road [MADELINE] I must be boring you senseless [HELEN] Oh, we must be bored [MADELINE & HELEN] I feel so thrilled that you both are here (We're out of here) [MADELINE & HELEN] We should do this again [MADELINE] How's next week? [HELEN] How's next year? [MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST] Cheers, cheers [MADELINE] I'm so glad [ERNEST] So glad [HELEN] So fucking glad [MADELINE, HELEN & ERNEST] We did this