It’s Your Funeral. Discuss.

Lyrics
Now her shocked friends and family Have all gathered 'round But she did not leave instructions The family did not what to do Oh Lord Oh Lord Don't let this happen to you She hated shopping she hated religion Her funeral's in a church in a mall Next door there's a half price sale on sheets Turning into a brawl Inside the preacher once twice Three times mispronounces her name Her knuckle-headed nephew in the front pew Is playing a vidеo game (and texting) The choir is tonе deaf The organist sucks If they pass around the collection plate I'm takin' out five bucks This is a bad funeral That's what I said This is a bad funeral Too late she dead So there will be no debate Though my end is nowhere near I'm gonna make a list of everything I want At my funeral right here I want an open mic I want an open bar I don't want an open casket That would be goin' too far But you can come as you are There'll be masseuses to massage away All your aches and pains A New York Times Crossword puzzle station To stimulate your brains A dessert buffet featuring Raspberries and whipped cream A psychic who will analyze Your latest baffling dream A barber for the boys A manicurist for the girls Oysters on the half shell Sporting pop Polynesian pearls A screen playing episodes of "Say Yes To The Dress" A scale that's rigged so when you weigh yourself You are 10 pounds less It's gonna be a fun funeral With Aaron Weinstein on the fiddle Gonna be a fun funeral A jazz contra dance in the middle After that my sommelier will pour you A Lafite-Rothschild Bordeaux A matchmaker at my funeral Will find you your next beau A Jesuit will hear your confession Absolve all your sins and then You can get back in the dessert buffet line Again and again and again Oh - my funeral's gonna be Such a fabulous time The fact that I will miss it Is practically a crime 'cause like the bridal shower In the movie "Bridesmaids" When my funeral is done Everybody gets a puppy You can take more than one So don't leave it up to chance For your final soiree – Do what I did Make a list of everything you want Before you pass away It's your funeral Tell 'em what you want Make it fun when you're done It's your funeral Tell 'em what you want When you're done make it fun It's your funeral
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Credits
- Writers
- Christine Lavin