No Thank You

Lyrics

[HARRY] You gotta be in it to win it, lady Keep up to the minute to stay in the race You wanna be "instant" and "easy" And "breezy" and "fun," Priced to compete so you beat everyone Geared for the modern-day gal on the run: Your new 1955 face! [ELIZABETH] No thank you, indeed Makeup applied in haste? What has become of taste Elegance and class? "Quick" is not my speed "Easy" is seldom so Would you serve Chateau Margaux In a plastic glass? Ask my clientele: Beauty comes at great expense Only cut-rate merchants sell blush For sixty-seven measly cents Secretaries clamor For their movie goddess glamour Like a cow stampede! Guess what else they'll need? Benzoyl for the rash From that cheap max factor trash So, no thank you Oh, no thank you, indeed! [TOMMY] You gotta revamp it to amp it, baby [HELENA, spoken] "Baby"? [TOMMY] Or women'll stamp it a thing of the past You're sellin' 'em romance and drama Their mama forbids Liz Taylor's lipstick and violet lids Tap the disposable income of kids You'll corner the market, and fast! [HELENA] No thank you, indeed Children with war paint on? Sad, this phenomenon Symptom of our time I blame corp'rate greed Tempting the immature Selling sexual allure At the five and dime Thirteen-year-old skin Needs no helping hand from me Later on, I may take them in But only after puberty Pushing pre-pubescents Into early adolescence Where do such things lead? Marijuana weed! Playboy magazine! And it starts with Maybelline! So, no thank you Oh, no thank you, indeed! [WILLIAM S. PALEY, spoken] Magazines reach thousands, Miss Arden, but television? Millions I've a quiz show, Tuesday nights, destined to be the hottest half hour in broadcast history [ELIZABETH, spoken] Why Mr. Paley, you want Elizabeth Arden to sponsor a quiz show? [PALEY, spoken] We'd be proud to welcome you into the CBS family [ELIZABETH] An unlikely yet intriguing opportunity [HARRY] In a medium you haven't yet been on [PALEY] You'd be queen bee of the CBS community [ELIZABETH] Mr. Paley, I'll get back to you--anon [PALEY, spoken] Awaiting your phone call (to HELENA) Madame Rubinstein, Twenty-One made a fortune for Geritol "The $64,000 Question" could do the same for you [HELENA] Mr. Paley, I have nothing but respect for you And your lightbulb-box transforming daily life Though my clientele is clearly not correct for you Take this token of esteem to give your wife [PALEY, spoken] I couldn't possibly [HELENA, spoken] I insist, it's sapphire, like her eyes Mr. Lewis, show Mr. Paley out (singing) Hands off Rubinstein! [ELIZABETH] Don't demean the Arden line! [ELIZABETH & HELENA] So no thank you! [HARRY & TOMMY] You're gonna regret it! [HELENA & ELIZABETH] No thank you! [TOMMY & HARRY] You really don't get it! [HELENA & ELIZABETH] No thank you! Oh, no thank you, indeed!