Lyrics

[Intro] And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents A special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday Whatever you do watch what you say If you're easily offended well that's okay It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around the camp fire How 'bout we sing some holiday songs? Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off? Yeah, I got one Oh Chri-bip-mas tree oh Chri-bip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches Why am I getting blipped again? Haven't you heard guys? You can't say Chri-bip-mas you gotta say Holiday I can't say Chri-bip-mas? No you might offend somebody Who is offended by Chri-bip-mas? You know you might offend the bip and the bip and the atheists What? Time to politically correct I'll lead this off On the first day of Chri-bip-mas my true love sent to me Jimmy, are you listening? What? You can't say Chri-bip-mas Why not? You can say bip on the last record Why can't I say Chri-bip-mas? I didn't make the rules Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult All you gotta do is change Chri-bip-mas to Holiday You know, instead of saying white Chri-bip-mas, you say I'm dreaming of a whi-bip Holiday Why did I get blipped? You've got to say Caucasian So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday? Sure, that won't offend anybody Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday Whatever you do watch what you say If you're easily offended well that's okay Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily? It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday I'm just trying to come up with a song here Let's sing one together, everybody ready? George? Ready Bill your ready? I'm ready Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy? Okay! We three kings of bip are bearing gifts we've traveled really far Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now What? Oh, come on just try I've gotta get hyped up for this We three kings of Asia are That sounds like horse bip Oh lord, okay. How 'bout Little Drummer boy? Nope, that offends short people And you can't say drummer 'cause that will offend real musicians How 'bout little hahaha town of Bethlehem? What's this with all the short jokes? Hey how 'bout we do Silent Night? No, 'Cause it offends people hard of hearin' and afraid of the dark What did he say about a shark? SHARK? This happens every year Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday Whatever you do watch what you say If you're easily offended well that's okay It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday Ho ho ho! No I can't say ho? No you might offend some women So basically we can't sing anything? I think that a bunch of bull bip Softer George it's more effective I think that a bunch of bull bip Wait just a dang minute? I'm freakin' never been so freakin' ticked off in my whole eighty-five freakin' years. No no no no You now what? I don't care who we offend I'm gonna sing Chri-bip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-bip-mas carols Louder Bill it's more effective I don't care who we offend I'm gonna sing Chri-bip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-bip-mas carols Me too We wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas We wish you a merry Chri-bip-mas, and a happy ne-bip year You can't say new; it'll offend the old folks And you better not offend them Us Yeah