Folk Monologue / Value (Live in Central Park)

Lyrics

[spoken] Can I get my glass of tea? Mmm, there's nothing like it! At this time I would like very much to do a folk song Since folk songs, I think, are still popular today This one is in Latvian and it's from Latvia And it's about this Tahitian girl who had this lover And one day the lover decides that he doesn't like her anymore and he likes her sister better So she decided that the only thing to do, naturally, was to kill herself, see? So one day it was very nice out, about 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river to drown when shе tripped over this rock, see? And - oh, it was awful I mean, shе broke her glasses, she scraped her knees And just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in a taxi-cab So they saw her on the floor and she, having an astigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild boar So she figured 'Oh boy, I'd better get down to the river fast to drown.' So she runs down there and - what do you know - the river was frozen So, I mean, she just stood there, you know? And she went "Tchhh" like that T.C.H So she couldn't do it that day See, it was a small town - they only had one river So anyway then she figured, 'Uh-oh it's getting late', and she better get home 'cause her mother would be worried and would kill her if she was late for supper, you know? So, I mean, she gets up and she starts walking on home and she bumps into this guy, and - what do you know - he turns out to be an optometrist And just happens to happen to have her "suscription" So, anyway - huh? Oh I'm sorry, subscription So anyway, I mean, she's- I don't want you to think that this is one of those Hollywood-type stories, you know? She gets the glasses and sees happily ever after I mean this is, you know, not like that I mean she had to pay for the glasses just like you and me, she - Well, I mean, I don't want you to think that I'm lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollar sixty-five? So anyway, this guy turned out to be very nice and he even told her where she could find another river So, I'll tell you the truth This girl was a real creep I mean, you know? Who would wanna sing a song about her? I mean, her sister was really much nicer And I think she came from a better family [sung] Call me a boob Call me a schlemiel Call me a brain with a missing wheel Call me what you will But the nonetheless I'm still In love with Harold Mengert And it's not because he has a car Arnie Fleischer has a car And a car is just a car But if Harold didn't have a car to his name I guess I'd love him just the same Call me what you will But the nonetheless I'm still In love with Harold Mengert And it's not because he has a wealthy family Arnie Fleischer has a wealthy family But money isn't everything And if Harold didn't have a car to his name I know I'd love him just the same But sometimes I ask myself, why then Do I then love Harold Mengert? Harold isn't handsome, or clever, or smart And I don't find romance set to dance in his heart The only answers I can think of are Harold Mengert's money and Harold Mengert's car Call me what you will But the nonetheless I'm still In love with Harold Mengert [spoken] Also Arnie Fleischer