Heath, Ohio (Monologue)

Lyrics

[Interlude] Well, I'll tell you I played, uh The opening of a goth store In a mall in Heath, Ohio *Audience laughing* And, uh, I went there ready to play my songs And I pulled out my guitar And I suddenly realized It's the middle of the day I'm in the middle of a mall And there's all sorts pe-normal people walking around *Audience applauding* And I suddenly, like, I'm going through the mental rolodex, like Oh my God what songs have I written that don't include like Buggery and vivisection and blastphemy, and like oh my God And then I thought of one I have a song, it's a Star Trek song And there's not a single bad word in the whole song I'll play that So I start playing this particular song And I swear to God there's photographs that document this This eighty ear old couple was walking by And they stopped right in front of me And they were standing there Listening to me play this particular Star Trek song And there's this, you know, there's this little, sort of pause in the song Where I go: *plays guitar* And during that moment I very audibly hear the old lady say to her husband "I have no idea what he's saying, but it sound dirty" *Audience applauding* And she would be correct