Yoda (Monologue)

Lyrics

[Interlude] Okay so now that we covered the Star Trek thing Are there any Star Wars fans in the house? *Audience applauding* I am a big fan of Star Trek and Star Wars But you know, Star Wars really came first for me It was my first love When I was a little kid, you know I had the action figures and the k-you know the guns and the lightsaber The bedsheets, the-the thong *Audience laughing* The personal upper thigh massager *Audience laughing* It was, I had it all, I really did But you know, I gotta tell you that like Even as a child Empire Strikеs Back came out second We wеnt to see that, and that was completely awsome It might even have been better than the first *Audience applauding* But then, you know, Return of The Jedi came out And something had changed There was like these little cute, funny characters running around singing songs And that was a little disturbing Now the first time I saw Yoda I was like "Wow! What a cool looking Jedi master" And then he opened up his mouth *Audience laughing* And I was like "I know that voice" *Audience laughing* It's as if I've heard that voice every morning before going to school *Audience applauding* And then it hit me It's Grover *Audience applauding* Yoda's Grover *Audience applauding* So however hard I tried to watch Star Wars From that point on Every single time Yoda opened up his mouth I pictured Grover I wanted to partake of his Jedi wisdom But no matter what he said All I could like hear in my head was "Learn a Jedi must About near and far" *Audience applauding* "Dagobah is near Tatooine is far" *Audience applauding* "Near, far!" *Audience applauding*