I Sure Hope I Don’t Have to Beat Your Ass This Christmas

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Master Shake] I sure hope I don't have to beat your ass this Christmas I hope I don't have to lay the hammer down (You know I will) I wish peace around the world, for every boy and girl But you, I'll leave face-down in Chinatown (Me so sorry) [Verse 2: Meatwad & Master Shake] I sure hope you ain't gonna beat my ass this Christmas (You know I might) I think I've been a pretty good boy this year (Let's not get cocky) I made ya somethin' nice I specifically requested Old Spice And if it's your homemade aftershave, I will whoop your rear [Refrain 1: Meatwad & Master Shake] Christmas is about forgiveness (No, it's about toys) And your constant excuses make me so freakin' pissed (You know they do!) There's a reason for the season Here's a gift that ain't on your list, the taste from the mighty yellow fist [Verse 3: Master Shake] You better not give me macaroni on this Christmas So help me God, you'll be pullin' back a stump See this mistletoe on my belt? He will smelt what I just dealt As I fold your lips to press my fat white rump [Verse 4: Meatwad & Master Shake] I really hope that you don't beat my ass this Christmas Well I really hope that you spent a decent amount on me 'Cause if I get something lame, I'll roast your chestnuts on an open flame But just remember, it's the thought that counts [Refrain 2: Meatwad & Master Shake] Christmas is about forgiveness Forgiveness does not turn chicks on like Old Spice shower gel (This is true) But there's a reason for the season Oh, I'll ring your jingle bells, [?] your hiney to the depths of the deepest Hell [Bridge: Master Shake] And the devastation will be amazin', when I get both hand's a-blazin' I'll unleash the shock and all, when I make your body crawl Do you hear what I hear? My hand's about to crash land on your rear You'll be torn asunder when I call down the thunder Here's a gift that ain't on your list, the taste from the mighty yellow-- [Skit: Master Shake & Meatwad] What is this? It's a present, from me to you (Sounds of wrapping paper being ripped) It's a flatscreen TV! Merry Christmas, Shake! Not as thin as I would've preferred. No wall mount, that's disappointing Well, those- those was extra I don't know how I'm gonna hang it I guess I'll just prop it up against the wall, is that what you were thinkin'? Look, I know I disappoint you sometimes, but I love you Master Shake [Refrain 3: Meatwad & Master Shake] 'Cause Christmas is about forgiveness I really would've preferred the plasma to the LCD (Well there's a burnin' problem with the plasmas) But there's a reason for the season Eh, y'know it's 720p, which is not technically true HD And let's hope you got me the extended warranty [Outro Skit: Meatwad & Master Shake] (TV turns on) What you, uh- what you get me for Christmas this year? Sorry, can't hear ya, I'm watching my new TV I said what you get me, man? I'm lookin' under this tree and I ain't-- Well, did you get me this tree skirt? 'Cause I don't wear skirts, unless it's like-- Okay, once again, I'm having trouble here. So let's-- Let's talk later when I can really focus on something other than TV It's okay, I understand. I just want you to have a- a Merry Christmas-- PLEASE DON'T TALK WHILE MY PROGRAM IS ON! Now I have no idea where the perp was on the night of the 27th! Goodnight, Shake... The very night that his girlfriend disappeared!