Lyrics

Look, you gotta understand, it's just been me and Eleanore for 67 years, so she gets nervous around strangers I wouldn't show that picture to anyone or they might try to take you two guys back to the laboratory Huh? Listen, we got rules in this house, and you better follow them, or you'll find yourself outta here Yeah, yeah, yeah This might be harder than I thought   If you come in from the street With dirty shoes on your feet That's a technical foul If you switch the radio To some "modern" music show That's a technical foul   If you don't shut the door After using the 'fridgerator That's a technical foul A technical foul   If you touch the thermostat You'll get hit with a bat 'Cause that's a technical foul (You will feel my wrath)   If your hair clogs the drain You'll know the meaning of pain 'Cause that's a technical foul (I'll show you no mercy)   Oh, this is such bullshit-a (Hey) In this house we say bullspit Or it's a technical foul A technical foul   Let me get this straight, you expect me to change my entire lifestyle in one night because you guys are a couple of psychotic control freaks? You got it, bub Or you can go rot in the gutter, it's up to you, Yankee Doodle Well, I don't wanna do that, but let me run a few questions by ya so I don't screw up accidentally   If I don't spray Lysol after moving a bowel? That's a technical foul Okay… if I decide to wash my ass with your monogrammed towel? That's a technical foul (Please, say "hiney")   If I make fun of your crazy feeties Or give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes That's not only a technical foul, but possibly a homicide   Can I sleep past three? If you do, you'll get a T Take a whiz in those flowers? I'll say hit the showers Use this horn as a bong? Adios, Tommy Chong Make some long distance calls? You'll get a kick in the balls, oops   Can I walk around with my morning erection? If you want an automatic ejection 'Cause that's a technical foul  But I'd like to see it anyway…just kidding   There are certain rules which apply in one's life With your sister, friends or imaginary wife I can't believe I haven't killed myself (Respect carries over beyond the court) Here with Wigs McGee and a furry elf (Whether you're Jewish, diabetic or especially short) They took my wig (She's neurotic and he's a troll) (My feet are strange and my groin is hairy) I remember the look in their eyes (How did I get stuck in this shithole?) (My imaginary wife likes to be called "Mary") Guess I'll have to deal with your demands (Why, oh, why) But please don't touch me with your alien hands (Won't someone retrieve my wig, wig, wig?)   I've got no right to growl The whistle, she's on the prowl Without my wig I look like an owl, hoo hoo Oh my god Don't laugh at her Or it's a technical foul A technical foul A technical foul