20,000 Deaths for Eidelyn Gonzales, 20,000 Deaths for Jamie Peterson (Live)

Song Meaning

The lyrics paint a picture of profound disorientation and a disturbing detachment from reality. The opening lines, "Awful is all / Awful like cookie / Sour and ringing," establish a jarring, unpleasant sensory experience that feels both intensely personal and vaguely nonsensical. This initial confusion is compounded by the narrator's internal struggle, a desire to "shut up about Iris and Oly," suggesting a burden of knowledge or a difficult truth they are trying to suppress or process. The central tension emerges in the second verse, where a shocking event is juxtaposed with a declaration of subservience. The repeated phrase "While your friend killed her baby" is stark and brutal, creating an immediate emotional chasm. This is immediately followed by "I am at your command," a line that feels chillingly passive, implying a loss of agency or a willingness to follow orders even in the face of horrific circumstances. The most striking element is the persistent, almost absurd repetition of "Mmm, hoot hoot" in the chorus. This non-lexical vocalization acts as a strange counterpoint to the disturbing narrative, perhaps signifying a breakdown in communication, a primal scream, or a way to fill the void left by incomprehensible events. It creates a disquieting dissonance, making the listener question the narrator's state of mind and the nature of the reality being described. Ultimately, the effectiveness of these lyrics lies in their unsettling ambiguity and their stark contrasts. The mundane descriptor "cookie" clashes with the "awful" and "sour," while the horrific act of infanticide is paired with passive obedience. This deliberate lack of clear narrative resolution and the jarring sonic texture of the chorus leave a lingering sense of unease, forcing the listener to confront the unsettling implications of the fragmented story.