Opening Act II

Lyrics

[Doorbell rings once, then twice more.] [BAUER] Magda, go see who's making that din If it's a magazine subscription working his way through college Don't let him in [CROWD enters, pushing MAGDA aside.] Good morning, my good friends, what is it? Why am I honored with this visit? Let me guess It can't be my birthday—that's over [CROWD] No! [BAUER] Perhaps you want me to run for mayor? [CROWD] No, no! [BAUER] That leaves me eighteen more questions [CROWD] No, no, no, no, no! [BLAU] I am the speaker for these honest faces If you don't mind I shall get down to cases Your daughter, Ilse, met a man A man by fate provided As soon as true romance began To marry they decided [BAUER, spoken] I'm dying here and he's singing [CROWD] To marry they decided [BLAU] And to that wedding, as we hoped We all got invitations But suddenly they both eloped To unknown destinations [BAUER] So what? So what? [CROWD] To unknown destinations [BLAU] There was, so far as we're concerned No wedding of your daughter We want our wedding gifts returned The presents that we brought her [MAGDA] They want their wedding gifts returned The presents that they brought her [BAUER, spoken] Your wedding presents were stolen by robbers [BLAU, spoken] It's none of our affair if they were stolen [CROWD] There was no wedding and things are slack So we want our wedding presents back [BAUER] You cannot have your presents back [MAGDA] Alas, alack, the sky is black They want their wedding presents back [CROWD, variously] We gave her dishes And we gave gold fishes And we gave a smoking tray We gave a cradle And we gave a ladle And we gave a load of hay [CROWD] On other matters, you'll find us pleasant But we insist, if there's no wedding, there's no present We want our dishes And we want our fishes And we must have them right away They took our dishes And they took our fishes And it's up to you to pay Remember, Herr Bauer, what we have to say No wedding, no present No tickee, no washee No tickee, no washee Good day!