If Only

Song Meaning

The lyrics open with a startling blend of romantic yearning and morbid acceptance. The speaker expresses a "longing for valentines" while simultaneously acknowledging a partner's potential criminality, stating they "could embezzle money." This immediate juxtaposition sets a deeply unsettling, yet committed, tone for the entire piece. At the core of "If Only" lies a profound sense of powerlessness against an unfixable reality. The repeated chorus expresses a desperate wish for external forces, like daylight or logic, to resolve an internal or relational darkness. The speaker seems to understand that simple solutions are insufficient for their complex predicament, leading to a yearning for fundamental change. The most striking element is the speaker's self-assessment, "I've been shallow and calm." This admission, repeated throughout, suggests a muted emotional state that only breaks with a sudden, vulnerable plea: "Could you please grab my arm?" This shift reveals a hidden desperation beneath the calm surface, hinting at a profound need for grounding or connection. What makes these lyrics resonate is their unflinching portrayal of a love that embraces deep flaws, coupled with a speaker grappling with their own muted existence. The commitment to "be buried deep down before you're gone" is chillingly absolute, suggesting a bond forged through acceptance of darkness. The repeated desire to "find my true spirit" anchors the entire piece in a deeply personal, unresolved quest for self, making the listener feel the weight of this internal struggle.