Handshake Drugs

Song Meaning

The lyrics paint a picture of disorientation and a desperate search for connection, possibly fueled by substances. The opening lines establish a scene of passive observation and internal detachment: "chewing gum for something to do" and "blinds were being pulled down on the dew" suggest a lack of engagement with the outside world. The narrator feels "out of love" but finds it a "laugh," hinting at a cynical or numb emotional state while "looking for you." The mood shifts with overwhelming sensory input and a sense of being lost. "Saxophones started blowing me down" and being "buried in sound" create a feeling of being assaulted by the environment. The repetition of "To the handshake drugs I bought downtown" directly names a coping mechanism or escape, framing the subsequent confusion and loss of self. This descent is marked by a profound disconnect from identity. The narrator feels like a "clown" as things are "translating poorly," and crucially, "if I ever was myself, I wasn't that night." This loss of self is directly tied to the chorus, where the narrator concedes that conforming to another's desires is "the only way for me to be / Exactly what you want me to be." The repeated question "Exactly what do you want me to be?" underscores a desperate plea for definition from an external source, highlighting a profound emptiness. The effectiveness of these lyrics lies in their stark portrayal of alienation and the surrender of agency. The mundane act of chewing gum contrasts with the overwhelming "sound" and the explicit mention of "handshake drugs." This juxtaposition highlights a desperate attempt to find meaning or escape through external means, ultimately leading to a self that is defined solely by others' expectations, a poignant and unsettling conclusion.