Lyrics

[Intro] Watch this... [Hook] These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up with more secrets to tell you today These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' wit' (Wit') Then I mentioned she's having my kid That's not all, no, I recall more you see So I give you part three of my confessions [Verse 1] Now this gonna be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do Gonna tell you everything I left out of Parts 1 and 2 Like remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore? Pauly Shore—that's a lie, I don't know what I said that for I borrowed your Chapstick (from you) without asking Oh, and I tried out your nose-hair trimmer, too And, by the way, your diamond ring is cubic zirconium I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one [Hook] These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I could say I need to get some things off my chest right away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink There've been times when I peed in your sink Don't know why, but you and I should agree That belongs in Part 3 of my confessions [Verse 2] Baby, forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout Oh, and sometimes, in private Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick, hockey stick My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise I haven't changed my underwear in 27 days And when I'm kissing you, I fantasize you're a midget I'm so sorry, Debbie—I mean, Bridget [Hook] These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I could say I got a few more secrets I'd like to convey These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor FYI it was not a cold sore Oops! My bad! But you'll be madder at me When I finish Part 3 of my confessions [Spoken] You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this. But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit. That thing was hideous. What were you thinking? Oh by the way, I wasn't really sick last week. I just didn't want to go to your stupid office picnic. Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies, what I meant was, there was only enough left for me. Sorry [Hook] These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I could say I thought of some more things that should scare you away These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me I guess I gotta give you Part 3 of my confessions Once I blew my nose, and then I wiped it on your cat (cat) And I lied, yes, that dress makes you look fat Anyway, I shouldn't say any more 'Til I give you Part 4 of my confessions [Outro] I mean, I'm just getting started here. I'm not even halfway down the list. This thing could go on for... Hey! Where are you goin'? Honey? What? Was it something I said? Ugh... Women...