Single

Lyrics

[SAMMY, GUYS] No one tells you how you ought to live No one glares when you do jello shooters Jello- No one says that you're insensitive 'Cause her birthday meal took place at Hooters Hoot-ers No one tells you that your bald spot's grown Or that you ought to tone your flab Tone your flab- So pour a double gin Here's to your double chin [ALL] Yeah, start the party, start a tab [SAMMY] 'Cause you're [ALL] Single [SAMMY] You are [ALL] Single [SAMMY] And you'll keep staying single if you're smart [GUYS] If you are smart [SAMMY] Yeah, you're single You are single No chick will ever moonwalk on your heart [GUYS] Moonwalk on your heart [SAMMY] Trust me [ALL] This is when the good times really start [SAMMY] No one minds the laundry on your floor [RICKY] No one pouts with every chick you look at [BUM] No one tries to clean your porno drawer [SAMMY] No one traps you with: [SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM] "Does my ass look fat?" [GEORGE] Bust a move in women's underwear While you're blasting Cher or Wham [GUYS] Cher or Wham! [SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM] So fill your ranger's cup The toilet seat stays up The fridge gets stocked with beer and spam 'Cause you're single [GEORGE] You are [SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM] Single [GEORGE] Not a care in the world can bother you [GUYS] Can bother you [GEORGE] Yeah, you are single You are single You can do what you've always wanted to [GUYS] Always wanted to- [GEORGE] Well, no commitments [SAMMY, GEORGE, RICKY, BUM] Cause you're only passing through [They start to rap.] [RICKY] Yo, making a date with some needy girl Is a waste of my time and my Jheri curl [SAMMY] I don't need a girl who don't understand When I got a date with my left hand [BUM] Well, I like the ladies, heaven knows But in the words in Nietzsche, "Bro's before ho's" [GEORGE] Now, I don't like a girl who'll cry and bawl In fact, I never liked girls at all [ROBBIE] Sammy, George, Ricky, and Bum I'm starting to see where you're coming from [ROBBIE, GUYS] Cause I'm single Single Oh, yeah single Single I'll behave like a dude's meant to behave Meant to behave Always single Ever single Single [ROBBIE] Single now and till I'm in my grave [ROBBIE & GUYS] Single till I am lying in my grave [Music slows down.] [SAMMY] Though at times I might want someone to hold me tight And promise me that everything'll be all right [BUM, spoken] (Hugs SAMMY) Everything'll be all right [SAMMY, spoken] Thanks, man [ALL, sung] I'll stay Single till I'm Rotting Slowly In my Lonely Forgotten grave