The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

Lyrics

[Intro: Narrator] And now it's time for silly songs with Larry The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mister Lunt, who together, make up the infamous gang of scallywags, the pirates who don't do anything [Chorus: Pirates] We are the pirates who don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything [Verse 1: Pa Grape] Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa And I've never been to Boston in the fall [Chorus: Pirates] Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything [Verse 2: Mr. Lunt] And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all And I've never walked the gangplank and I've never owned a parrot And I've never been to Boston in the fall [Chorus: Pirates] 'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything We just stay at home and lie around And if you ask us to do anything We'll just tell you we don't do anything [Verse 3: Larry] Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping pong And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice And I've never been to Boston in the fall [Interlude: Pa Grape & Mr. Lunt] Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster or mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate? Hey, that's right We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense, why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think? I think you look like Cap'n Crunch Huh? No, I don't Do too Do not You're making me hungry That's it, you're walking the plank Says who? Says the Captain, that's who Oh yeah? Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch Hee hee hee Arrrgh Yikes [Verse 4: Larry, Pa Grape, & All] And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stinkbug And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings (You just don't get it) And we've never been to Boston in the fall [Outro: Pa, Larry, & Lunt] Pass the chips Who's got the remote control? Here it is Time for Geraldo It's definitely time for Wapner Oh, I don't like this show Hey, look, I found a quarter