Interrogation Song (Muppets)

Lyrics

[EAGLE] Kermit, let's begin: Describe the day you played Berlin [CONSTANTINE] We rehearsed, and then we walked about We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut [JEAN] That night, at 10:03 Were you inside the portrait gallery? [CONSTANTINE] From 10 o'clock to 10:04 Was when we did the show's encore [EAGLE] Hmm, Frog, we've got our doubts; Can you confirm your, hm, whereabouts? [CONSTANTINE] My alibi is watertight: The audience saw me sing all night [JEAN] Monsieur, we know you did the crime [CONSTANTINE] I was on stage that whole time; Ask who sang Rainbow Connection [EAGLE & JEAN] Thank you Kermit, no more questions [JEAN] Allo, I think it's time for good cop, romantic cop! [JEAN] Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside; Now's your chance to save your, hide? [MISS PIGGY] Gentlemen, I did not know It's a crime to steal the show! [EAGLE] Tell us how the art was taken... [JEAN] If you want to save your, bacon? [MISS PIGGY] I haven't seen your missing art! All I've stolen is audience's hearts [EAGLE] We can give you a plea deal... [JEAN] All you have to do is squeal! [MISS PIGGY] I'm not a thief, I don't know how! All I've ever taken is a bow [JEAN] We'll catch the swine that did this job? [MISS PIGGY] Give up the pig puns, creep! Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion! [EAGLE & JEAN] Thank you Piggy, no more questions [JEAN] I think she liked me, huh? [EAGLE] I don't think your puns are helping the investigation [JEAN] You know... I think they did it! [EAGLE] No they didn't! [JEAN] Yes they did and we can pin it [EAGLE] If they did, how did they do it? [JEAN] If they didn't, how did they didn't? [EAGLE] If they didn't, then it's easy, 'cause they simply didn't do it! [JEAN] If they did it, then I knew it, but we've nothing that can prove it!- Ahem, ugh, excuse me [EAGLE] (groans) [JEAN] Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz [EAGLE] Do you remember what you did On the night you played Madrid? [GONZO] I was hit by a raging bull! And rushed off stage to the hospital! [JEAN] Gonzo, what do you know About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado? [GONZO] I never saw a stolen bust! I spent the night in bed, concussed! [EAGLE] The truth Gonzo, the clock is tickin' [GONZO] If you don't believe me, ask the chicken: Camilla was there, she'll cooperate! [JEAN] Madame, are you willing to corroborate? -Camilla clucking frantically- [EAGLE] Will somebody get this chicken out of here?! [GONZO] Calm down, Camilla, it's a routine inspection! [EAGLE and JEAN] Thank you, Gonzo, no more questions [JEAN] Let's go from the start: What do you know about the stolen art? [Lew Zealand] I didn't know there was a plan! [Dr. Teeth] Your accusation's far out, man! [Bunsen] The chances of us, committing a crime Are less than .009! [Swedish Chef] Shern de shern de shern de gir Her de chickie de farnder muir J: To help with our investigation Can you do a full translation? Translator: What the chef just said to you Was, "Shnoop de shnoop de shnoo." (It's not Swedish.) Animal: Ahhh! Ahh! Ahhh! Ah-hahaha -Penguins Quack- Fozzie: Uh, I can do an Elvis impression? [EAGLE and JEAN] Thank you, Muppets, no more questions! [JEAN] They didn't [EAGLE] No, they didn't! [JEAN] There's no way they did the crime [EAGLE] They couldn't, they're too stupid [JEAN] They're not criminal masterminds! [EAGLE] We may not know who did it, but we know they didn't do it! [EAGLE and JEAN] So we know who didn't do it, yes, we know who didn't do it! [JEAN] They're incapable of being culpable