Comedy Routine (Live)

Lyrics

[Spoken Word: Tony Bennett, Milton Berle, Mickey Rooney & Danny Thomas] Thank you for coming by, [?] Anybody who gets this microphone gets a royalty of this record Did you know that? Anybody who holds this microphone, speaks into it beside myself gets a royalty Thought you'd never call on me How 'bout Tony tonight? Wasn't he wonderful? Come on, let's hear it You, you, it's for you, it's for you Is the, uh, Ralph? Wonderful, was Ralph, uh, Shermon? Sharon? If the tape is still on, I'd like to say that I've never heard Tony Bennett sing any greater than he sang tonight I really mean that sincerely Boys, you can figure out that line I never heard him any bеtter than years tonight Th-therе's three ways of taking that, you know That's right, uh, I don't wanna bore you with a lot of wonderful material But I do wanna tell you that I am very glad that you invited all us here tonight All-all us here tonight, how do you like that? My nose is fixed, now my mouth don't work, uh I've been telling jokes for years, I've done three hours at one session, but I'm— How many songs did you sing tonight? How many would you sing? Thirty-five You know what it's sounding like? Would you believe it? In this—eighty And the boys, pretty bad, now, now, really a wonderful band They don't play slow, they don't play fast, you're sorta have fast And I thought, we got a hell of a crowd on be for now And now, you got some more to do You want to introduce some people here? You know, you got any houselights here? Stan, uh, put up the houselights That's better, I know, I don't need you, pal I'm working on it, haha, think loud month I know, I just got this message, Danny Thomas is in here already Oh, is he? Danny, Danny, let's have Danny stand up Danny Thomas, ladies and gentlemen, where are ya? Danny Come up here, baby, come up here, Danny The hell of ya got a plan, [?] music, Ralph? There'll be no room up here with these two noses I heard that, hello, Mickey, where is he? You are looking at two of the greatest performers in the world Neither of us had our noses fixe, ha, but he did Mickey, come on up here, come on, come on, let's look at ya Let's talk about ya, come up anyways There's a street Needless to say, without trying to be comedic These two giants up here, uh, probably a lot of you, of many A few of you have seen me for the first time I know this might pleasure to have met you for the first time, Tony Uh, I'm a tremendous fan of yours as most everyone is here tonight There is electricity in this particular room because of your singing It's magnificent, and, ahem, uh Accolade after accolade could be piled upon you, I'm certain But a lot of people as I got up here tonight, I felt as though they They might have a question, might be on their mind They might say to themselves, "How short is he?" You know? Well I'm about three hundred thousand short, that's what I am What else? Hold up Know the fact is that coming up here, Tony I might as well admit it, I came up on a, on an airplane That was a little old, I would, I would say it was a load, I I saw a movie magazine in the plane and it had a picture Of Elizabeth Taylor and Mike Wilding on it, you understand? Ahahaha, yes, it had a picture of me and Ava Gardner on it, dancing May I say, all clowning aside, ladies and gentlemen That I think that we will, uh, repeat as [?] usually does That we witnessed, a one of the greatest performers May I ask you something? How numbers, how many numbers on the table, they're gonna, uh, record? Well we ran out of tape about a half hour ago, haha Well, let's start a new one and sing for another hour, how 'bout it, hah? God bless you Milton Berle, ladies and gentlemen