The Finale

Lyrics

[Ramsay] Drumgoole, my dear, I must admit Your life's been one long pile of shit I must be nuts, at least a bit To want to be involved in it [McTurk] But given the alternative [Low] Who knows how we'd be forced to live? [The Boys] When worlds collide, when worlds collide? [Ramsay] With you, Drumgoole, at my side [McTurk] And at my side! [Low] And at my side! [The Boys] With worlds colliding in on us Drumgoole must be triogamous [Ramsay] Pray, say we shall be man and bride [McTurk] And man and bride [Low] And man and bride [The Boys] When worlds collide, the chivalrous Drumgoole performs the frivolous And dares to make it man and bride And man and bride and man and... [Connie] That one's mine! He's my concubine He'll get more out of me Than what you peons call "love" Hands off him, that one's mine! [Low] Your favors do not satisfy I've witnesses who'll testify And though Drumgoole is thin of thigh She's worth a try, she's worth a try [All] Though nature was not generous Her breasts are not as pendulous Yet still they would be man and bride And man and bride and man and bride! [Father Brodie] Now, according to the law this week Still evolving even as we speak Any woman may, at her discretion Have her pick of losers Since the breed has dropped so in quality We abolish, hereby, monogamy If you don't quite fancy this selection We've got lots more losers [Drumgoole] I've seen all that I need to see I've fallen for their flattery And so we shall be man and bride And man and bride and man and bride! [All] When world's collide, the rest of us Won't be here with the best of us For these, they shall be man and bride And man and bride and man and bride! [Rowena] Correct me, honey I smell no money And when the chips are down You'll be back around this finger here I never said that I was in love with you I never said that I was not, my dear [Ramsay] Why must this girl have everything? How quickly he forgets the sting For though she feigns to please him She is talentless except to tease him Don't think we haven't noticed [Rowena] We'll have a shower [Bernard Coates] And I'll allow her She seems amused with you It's so hard to keep her entertained [Rowena] We'll all go nudies And you can bring your friends Just keep the one who's nuts for tits restrained! [McTurk] My long term memory Is not what it should be Some tiny spark of love Helps me find the proper words to say Your smell of money You filthy, lying bitch Is just about to make me puke! Go 'way Please go away! It's time to make us man and bride [Ramsay] And man and bride [Low] And man and bride! [Father Brodie] We've simplified, no muss, no fuss And vows are now superfluous I just declare you man and bride And man and bride and man and bride And man and man and bride and man And man and... (Connie and Georgina interrupt the ceremony) [Connie] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Georgianna, get over here with that law book Listen up everybody [Georgina] I've the law book right in front of me Article sixteen dash thirty-three "When consenting adults shack together They're connected legally" [Connie] Though he wants to eat and have his cake There's a pact with me he cannot break So the rest of you go rot forever This one here will stay with me [The Boys] When worlds collide, the devious The cunning, and the mischievous Our not-yet-happy-home divide When worlds collide, when worlds collide [All] When worlds collide, this friend of us Is forced to be a succubus Cruel fate is not upon our side When worlds collide, when worlds collide (Georgina rushes in with news from Parliament. She quotes the telegram.) [Georgina] Connie! Connie! This urgent telegram is just in from Parliament Well don't just stand there, let's gloat over it Uh oh, I don't think you're going to like this "Must clear the old regime away The residue must be destroyed As of nine o'clock today Contracts with men are null and void" [Connie] WHAT?!?!?!?! (Chaos once again reigns) [Father Brodie] You're free, my boy, I'm proud to say And so without further delay I now declare you man and bride And man and bride and man and bride! [Drumgoole & The Boys] When worlds collide, the least of us May get to share the feast with us For now we four are man and bride [All] Till worlds collide, till worlds collide Till worlds collide, till worlds collide Till worlds collide, till worlds collide Till worlds collide, till worlds collide Till worlds collide We're men and bride!