Lyrics

JAY What to say about this piece of work? Fuck if I don't find myself without the right words. Me, as gifted a golden throat as any of you cocksuckers, being loose from religion, are ever likely to hear. What can I say about the dearly departed? I mean really? BUNK He died young. Too young. NORRIS Under 40 years old. CARVER Though had he lived his dick would've been 134. JAY Shut up. It's coming to me. He was the black sheep. The permanent pariah. He asked no quarter of the bosses and none was given. He learned no lessons. He acknowledged no mistakes. He was as stubborn a Mick as ever stumbled out of the Northeast parishes to take a patrolman's shield. He brooked no authority, he did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say and, in the end, he gave you the clearances. He was natural police. BUNK Yes he was. JAY And I don't say that about many people, even when they're here on the felt. I don't give that one up unless it happens to be true. Natural po-lice. [Fake tears.] JAY But Christ, what an asshole. And I'm not talking about the ordinary gaping orifice that all of us possess. I mean an all-encompassing, all-consuming, out-of-proportion-to-every-other-facet-of-his-humanity chasm. From whose bourn, if I may quote Shakespeare, no traveler has ever returned. JIMMY What the fuck did I do? BUNK Shut the fuck up! You're dead to us now! [Lester enters] BUNK Oh! Here's his partner in crime! LESTER Now, now! Be gentle! Be gentle! I'm a civilian now. BUNK Your papers went in, huh? LESTER Yeah, this afternoon. 32 years. SHARDENE And four months. LESTER [Looking at Jimmy.] Who-hoo. Y'all did a fine job with him, you did. You look to be about 10 years younger than I remember. BUNK C'mon, there's enough room for both of you to be laying out. LESTER Nah, nah, one at a time! You don't crowd a man at his own wake. JIMMY C'mon Lester, come and snuggle. LESTER That's our secret Jimmy. I got Shardene with me. JAY If you gentlemen will spare us this unfortunate homoerotic lapse, I will conclude my elegiac remarks. BUNK Then do it, ya gabby motherfucker! JAY To conclude! To conclude I say, he gave us 13 years on the line. Not enough for a pension, but enough for us to know that he was... [Background: "PUT THE FUCKING SONG ON, HUGH!"] JAY Despite his negligible Irish ancestry, his defects of personality, and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously: If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you, standing over me, catching the case. DOZERMAN [Cough] Bullshit! JAY Because brother, when you were good, you were the best we had. BUNK Shit, if you were lying there dead on some corner, it was probably Jimmy that done ya. JAY Fuck you! If you caught the case, you'd be standing there pissing in my ear! [Song starts: The Pogues, "The Body of an American."]