How’d The Date End? [original version]

Lyrics

[Spoken] Go? I picked her up at the specified time I was dressed to the nines, and she looked sublime In a pink sequin dress, just a bit too tight And I was thinking this could be the night At the restaurant things were in full bloom She said she had to visit the ladies room It may have been just a visit, but I guess along the way She decided that she'd extend her stay Did she ever come back? No, she never camе back And the waiter was laughing as I paid the chеck We were going to go to the discotheque [Spoken] Actually, at that point, that whole discotheque idea was pretty much off On my way out, though, I chanced to see A girl at the bar making eyes at me And I said to myself, "Self, this could be good We'll exchange smiles, phone numbers, and maybe even fluids" So I bought her a drink, and I bought her two more And I asked her for her number as she walked out the door She said, "555-5555, and I live at number 5, Five Drive" Was it really her number? No, it really was not And a [line disconnected tone] is all I got When I tried to call it later on How'd the date end? Badly How'd the date end? Sadly It was not a Love Connection, no siree How'd the date end? Terrible How'd the date end? Unbearable But that's not all, Chuck, as you will see I stumbled around 'til I found another bar Which was good, because I couldn't find my car I ordered a scotch, and I drank it down And I did this several times 'til I lost count How'd the date end? Terrible How'd the date end? Unbearable It was the worst thing that you ever saw How'd the date end? Horrible How'd the date end? Deplorable And now I've got a headache the size of Arkansas So Chuck, I don't care who the audience picked I'd rather be killed with a big sharp stick I'll stay on my own, it's my natural state Whether or not I have a date