The Draft Dodger Rag

Lyrics

[Intro, spoken] We've licked pneumonia and TB and plagues that used to mock us We've got the onus on the sun; the small pox cannot pock us We found the antibodies for the staphylo-streptococcus But oh, the universal curse from Vietnam to Korea The bug of bugs that bugs us still and begs for panacea Oh, who will find the antidote for pentagonorrhea? [Verse 1] I'm just a typical American boy From a typical American town I believe in God and Senator Dodd And a-keepin' old Castro down And when it came my time to serve I knew "Better dеad than red" But when I got to my old draft board Buddy, this is what I said [Chorus] Sarge, I'm only еighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant [Verse 2] I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked-up back And I'm allergic to flowers and bugs And when a bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes I could hardly reach my knees And if the enemy ever came close to me Why, I probably start to sneeze [Chorus] Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant [Verse 3] I hate Chou En-lai, and I hope he dies But I think you gotta see That if someone's gotta go over there That someone isn't me So have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall While you kill me a thousand or so And if you ever get a war without any gore Well, I'll be the first to go [Chorus] Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat And my asthma's gettin' worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear I gotta water my rubber tree plant Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen And I always carry a purse I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat My asthma's getting worse Consider my career, my sweetheart dear My poor old invalid aunt Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant