Australiana

Lyrics

The story you are about to witness is true. It actually happened. Only the names have been changed to make it funny... Sitting at home last Sunday morning, me mate Boomer rang Said he was having a few people around for a barbie, said he might cook a burro or two I said, "Sounds great, will Walla be there?" He said, "Yeah and Vejja might come too" So I said to the wife, "Do you wanna go, Anna?" She said, "I'll go if Ding goes" So I said, "What'll we do about Nulla?" He said, "Nulla bores me to tears, leave him at home" We got to the party about two and walked straight out the kitchen to put some booze in the fridge And you wouldn't believe it, there's Boomer's wife Warra sitting there trying to plait a puss! Now, I don't like to speak ill of Warra, but I was shocked; I mean how much can a koala bear? So I grabbed a beer, flashed me wanger at her and went out and joined the party Pretty soon Ayers rocks in and things really started jumping This Indian girl Marsu turns up, dying to go to the toilet, but she couldn't find it I said to me mate Al, "Hey, where can Marsu pee, Al?" He said "She can go out back with the fellas, she's probably seen a cock or two" Well just then Warra comes out of the kitchen with a few drinks for everybody Fair dinkum, you've never seen a cooler barmaid I grabbed a beer and said, "Thanks Warra, tah!" A couple of queens land at the party, one smelling pretty strongly of aftershave One of them sat down next to me and I turned to him and I said, "Ya know mate, you reek of Stockade!" It was a really hot day; Oscar felt like a swim He said to Ina, "Do you want a have a dip in the river, Ina?" She said, "I haven't got my cozzy, Oscar!" Well Bo says, "Come in starkers, what'll they care?" Ina says, "What, without so much as a thread, Bo?" "Ah, perish the thought! Has Yucum been in yet?" Well a few of the blokes decided to play some cricket Boomer says "Why doesn't Wom bat?" "Yeah, and let Tenter field" He said I should have a bowl, but I was too out of it to play cricket so I suggested a game of cards I said to Liptus, "Wanna game of euchre, Liptus?" He said, "There's no point mate, Darr wins every time" Well Bill said he'd like a smoke Nobody knew where the dope was stashed I said, "I think Marie knows" But I was just spinning a bit of a yarn Barry pulls a joint out of his pocket Bill says "Great, Barry, a reefer!, What is it mate?" "Noosa Heads of course. Me mate Ada laid 'em on me" And it was a great joint too, it blew Mountains away and his three sisters! Well I thought I'd roll one meself, I said, "Chuck us the Tallyho, Bart!" He said "They're out on the lawn, Ceston, can you get 'em for us?" Bernie says, "It's okay mate, she's apples, I'll get em for ya" Just then Alice springs into action, starts to pack Bill a bong And you wouldn't believe it, the bong's broken I said "Lord how!" "Hey man," somebody says, "will a didgery do?" I said "Hummmmm, mummmm, mummmmm, mummmmm, maybe it'll have to" I look in the corner and there's Bass sitting there, not getting into it, not getting out of it I said, "What, is Bass straight or something?" Boomer says, "As a matter a fact mate, he's a cop" I said, "You're joking mate, a cop? I'm getting outta here. Let's go, Anna" She said, "No way, I'm hangin round till Gum leaves. Besides, I don't wanna leave Jack around a party on his own Have you seen him? I think he's trying to crack on to Wumba; he's already tried to mount Isa And he'll definitely try to lead you astray, Liana!" Thank you and goodnight!