Lyrics

[Ringo Starr] Hello, this is a big hi and a sincere Merry Christmas from yours truly, Ringo Starr! [Slightly sped-up sample of "Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da" intro with piano plunking over it] [Paul McCartney Singing] Happy New Year, happy Christmas Happy Easter, happy autumn Happy Michelmas, everybody Happy Christmas, everybody to you I'd like to wish everybody happy Christmas This year of 1968 going on 69 Happy Christmas, happy New Year All the best to you from here [Opera sample] I'd like to wish everybody Happy Christmas, happy New Year From there to here Happy New Year, happy New Year Happy New Year, happy New Year [Clapping] [Sped-up marching band sample with kids cheering] [Sped-up sample of Helter Skelter] When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide Where I stop, and I turn, and I go for a ride Till I get to the bottom and I see you again [Over "Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms" played on piano] (J): Once upon a time, there were two balloons called Jock and Yono They were strictly in love, bound to happen in a million years They were together, man Unfortunatimetable, they seemed to have previous experience which Kept calling them one way or another, you know how it is But they battled on against overwhelming oddities Including some of their beast friends Being in love they cloong together even more, man But some of the poisoness monsters of outrated buslodedapethrowers did Stick slightly And they occasionally had to resort to the dry cleaners Luckily, this did not kill them and they weren't banned from the Olympic Games They lived hopefully ever after and who could blame them [Baroque Hoedown by Jean-Jacques Perrey and Gershon Kingsley sample] [George Harrison] Well, here we are again, another fab Christmas Christmas time is here again, ain't been around since last year And we'd like to take this opportunity All the way from America, to say happy Christmas to you Our faithful beloved fans all over the world who have made Our life worth living, and over here I have Mr. Malcolm Evans who's through thick and thin Who would surely like to say a word of greeting At this festive occasion [Mal Evans] Merry Christmas, children everywhere! [Over a sped-up orchestra recording of "Deck the Halls", and sample of crowd cheering] [Unknown Person] At the first stroke, it will be- [Ringo Starr, George Harrison] Ringo Starr, thank you! Good evening Hello me dear. I didn't know you were coming I'm not surprised "Well, I am, certainly am!" I would have thought so myself Well, if you ask me, I think it's insane Occasionally Yes, me, too, twice a week sometimes Fourteen and six Nineteen and five to save me if you don't mind Yes, I know Don't you say yes to me! I'm telling you! This is a private line, you know Private line? I've been on this line for two years! [Ringo Starr] Well, it's my proud pleasure tonight to introduce one of The most versatile performers in our career. And he's Come all the way from Stokely Carmichel's -on-Sea And I hope you're going to like him. Let's give him a Big hand [Paul McCartney (Double-Tracked Singing)] Happy New Year, happy Christmas Happy Easter, happy autumn Happy Michelmas, everybody Happy Christmas, everybody to you [Over distorted piano samples] [John Lennon] Once upon a pool table there lived a short-haired Butcher's boy, by the way of Ostergrad. It comes in Sentences poolararrowic Airport. Her father was in a Long story cut short in the middle of his life sentence We're indebted to the Colloquial office for its immediate Disposal of her Horowitz, including, I might add, hoc virtallo a totem On the other handbag, I mean to say L'amoure ne soome tu joure realistic, strictly speaking For this film is about an hourglass houseboat. The full Meaning of Winchester Cathedral defies description. Their Loss was our Gainsborough nil [John Lennon (Double Tracked)] The sound of a manservantile defectively lasting barred Up in a love-dizzy gar-di-dell time. How close can you Gettysburg and ever underly council ya originally a Birdbath feeling- [George Harrison] Cut! We have a special guest here this evening, Mr Tiny Tim I'd like to ask him to say a few words [Tiny Tim] Oh, hello to you nice Beatles. Ah, it's so wonderful What a thrill it is talking here. Ah, in Mr. Harrison's Presence, Mr. Weiss' presence, and all his nice wonderful Friends. And the thing is, I just wanna say Merry Christmas to you all. And ah, a Happy New Year [George Harrison] Thank you, Tiny. Would you like to sing us a little song? [Tiny Tim] Ah, I'd love to Here's a song I did in 1966 in front of Miss Jill for the first time. And I did this in Albert Hall, and what a thrill it was, ah, to do this then, and Now, exactly the way I did it then [Tiny Tim Singing] He's a, ooh, real nowhere man Living in his nowhere land Making all his nowhere plans for nobody Hasn't got a point of view Knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere man, don't worry Take your time, don't hurry Nowhere man, the world's at your command, ooh He's a, huh, huh, real nowhere man Living in his nowhere land Making all his nowhere plans for nobody, ooh, ooh [George Harrison] Thank you, Tiny. Thank you and God bless you, Tiny [Tiny Tim] God bless you all, oh, God bless you all