Depression Too is a Kind of Fire

Album cover art for "Depression Too is a Kind of Fire" by Taylor Mali

Taylor Mali - Non-Music, Literature

Depression Too is a Kind of Fire

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Lyrics

I'm an idiot because once before we were married she asked me whether I knew that we would not be having children if we did get married, and I said yes. And because she knew I was lying, she asked if I was really okay with that. And because I'm an idiot I said yes again. And once during a fight, not married more than two years, she said she felt like my first wife, and I, like an idiot, assured her that she was. She worked out at the gym five times a week and smoked as many packs of ultra lights, and I'm an idiot because when I asked her why, She said, Because I hate myself and I want to die. And I laughed and said something I don't recall, something completely and utterly insufficient. From the roof of our apartment, I saw 40 or 50 people jump from the towers on a Tuesday morning—we used to be able to see them to the south, just as, to the north, we can still see (and by "we" I guess I mean now just me) the Empire State Building, which still steeps me in gratitude because I'm an idiot— out of the smoke with arms flailing. And I swear I saw a perfect swan. And I was going to write a poem about how fire is the only thing that can make a person jump out a window. And maybe I'm an idiot for thinking I could have saved her— call me her knight in shattered armor— could have loved her more, or told her the truth about children. But depression, too, is a kind of fire. And I know nothing of either.

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Credits

Writers
  • Taylor Mali