The Grand Canal

Lyrics

[GUIDO] Contini submits that the flops aren't hits Because no one is willing to film a romantic spectacular That'll use the vernacular And he says furthermore That the present's a bore But historically speaking, more interesting subjects are myriad In a period Period! Contini contends that the past Makes the present look dull and half-assed Let other directors investigate sectors of image and meaning Once commonly thought of as current 'Cause they aren't and weren't Contini suggests that today's not the best But that yesterday's better And longer ago is still betterer Et cetera, et cetera And now I have found the right location That perfectly suits this new creation A picture so broad and serpentining That it will contain a world of meaning And It's already here in front of my nose This is the answer to what I propose Venice by day Venice by night Right where I am is terrifically right Everybody on the set for a rehearsal with lights! (The curtain opens to reveal the SPA PEOPLE as GUIDO's Venetian Company. LUISA sits watching; GUIDO throws her a kiss.) [GUIDO AND SPA PEOPLE] This is the grand canal (La la la la la la) Its resemblance to life is not obscure It is filled with the milk of human kindness In spite of the fact It's really a sewer But don't let that spoil your morale It's a grand canal! [GUIDO] This is a gondolier [SPA PEOPLE] This is a gondolier [GUIDO] Seeking love is the center of his life But he never will go as far as wedlock That would really annoy His present wife He strums his plaintive pastorale [ALL] On the grand canal Look at the people in the square Look at the steeple in the air Can you deny that it's a stunning view? Faces are brimming with delight Children are swimming late at night Why don't you try that? It is fun And who can it harm To feel its charm? (GUIDO & GERMANS and OTHERS together:) [GUIDO & GERMANS] I love it! I love it! I love it I do On the grand canal I love it I love it I'm happy with you on the grand canal On the grand canal [OTHERS] Row me, row me Down the grand canal Row me with my gal Row me, row me Down the grand canal Be my bosom pal Grand canal [GUIDO] And this is a courtesan [SPA PEOPLE] She is a courtesan [GUIDO] It's a shame people think that she's a leech True, she once in a while Destroys a marriage But other than that She's really a peach [ALL] Sweet as the sweetest madrigal On the grand canal! (SPA LADY enters, in boudoir costume.) [OUR LADY OF THE SPA] Every girl in Venice is in love with Casanova Every girl has kissed him once or twice Every girl in Venice is in love with Casanova As long as Casanova pays her price (Other SPA LADIES begin joining her, as they enter in their boudoir costumes.) [SPA LADIES] Every girl in Venice is expecting Casanova Every girl is combing out her hair Counting every minute til they see their Casanova And staring out their windows everywhere Every girl in Venice wants to hear from Casanova She will be the only girl for him Every girl is grinning ear to ear for Casanova And waiting to attend his every whim... (LITTLE BOYS enter as pages, flanking LA FLEUR, dressed in CLAUDIA's abandoned costume, MAMA MADDELENA, and CLAUDIA. GUIDO enters.) [GUIDO - CASANOVA] I, Casanova Have come to Venice (indicating CLAUDIA) With my dear wife, Beatrice Mi amore Here To take a rest, enjoy the waters and the food And be with her The apple of my Cuore [MAMA MADDELENA - MARIA] (as "CARLA") Casanova! [GUIDO - CASANOVA] Maria! What are you doing here? [MADDELENA - MARIA] I'm staying at the Hosteleria Caldissima Numero venti venti Drop by tonight at ten o'clock I'll give you plenty! [GUIDO - CASANOVA] I can't believe how my good fortune still does serve me So much romance at hand, I really don't deserve me (GUIDO sings with BOUDOIR LADIES.) Amor I love them all, every beauty Short or tall, there's a duty To make love to each and all Amor It's my profound obligation To go round every nation And make love to one and all Yes, I have lived and breathed and slept Amor I freely give and do accept Amor Big amor Small amor All my life has been amor I've always known what I am living for Amor! [GUIDO - CASANOVA] But alas, I am distressed by all this beauty fine If I must choose just one Concubine (LADIES scream "Me! Me!") Please, please, please, one at a time! (Everyone leaves to change for the next scene GUIDO runs into place for the new scene with CLAUDIA, MADDELENA and LA FLEUR. BOUDOIR NUNS enter. GUIDO "shoots himself" as with a gun, collapses.) [CLAUDIA - BEATRICE] Casanova You must relax You will exhaust yourself and soon become too stanco Look I have prepared a picnic basket Prosciutto Olives And of course, your favorite, vino Bianco (LUISA stares in horror.) [GUIDO - CASANOVA] Beatrice... Beatrice... Only you will I ever see Forever will you be my true love I'll forswear all others for thee No, never will I have a new love No new love No new love And you will be my true love [GUIDO - CASANOVA and CLAUDIA - BEATRICE] No new love No new love And you will be my true love [BOUDOIR NUNS] Casanova takes a vow Telling Beatrice now There will never be another woman in his life but her Now until forevermore [MADDELENA - MARIA] (repeating CARLA's "Vatican" moves) Casanova, I'm still waiting for you! [GUIDO - CASANOVA] Maria! [BOUDOIR NUNS] Evermore [GUIDO - CASANOVA] (to MARIA) Only you can stir in my breast The fire of an endless passion Late tonight, I'll be in your bed Expect me in the usual fashion Our fashion Our fashion Ah, fire of an endless passion [GUIDO - CASANOVA and MADDELENA - MARIA] Our fashion Our fashion Ah, fire of an endless passion (They proceed to make love in a farce of GUIDO - CARLA acrobatics, ending in wrist-wrestling on the floor.) [BOUDOIR NUNS] Casanova breaks a vow Where is Beatrice now? There was not to be another woman in his life but her Now until forevermore Evermore (They exit.) [LA FLEUR] Casanova! [GUIDO - CASANOVA] Claudietta! (He goes to her. CLAUDIA, hearing her name, turns to watch. Note that LUISA and CARLA have observed the last "scene", a mockery of their relationship with GUIDO.) [GUIDO - CASANOVA] Only you bring out from my soul The poetry that I have written Not one line would I have composed If I had not by you been smitten [GLAUDIA] (angry at seeing the farce) Guido...! [LUISA] (totally humiliated, has seen enough) Guido... No...! (CLAUDIA, MADDELENA, and LA FLEUR exit. GUIDO and LUISA begin to fight over harsh tarantella music: "You've made a joke of my love!" "Luisa, it's only a farce!" "MY LIFE IS NOT A FARCE!" SPA PEOPLE begin to end for the film's finale The argument continues: "Luisa, you're taking this too seriously." "Ma hai tradito il nostro amore!" "Luisa, listen to me! As an artist I have to use everything in my life! Everything!" "Basta! Va' a lavoro. Va' all'inferno. Go to hell!" LUISA runs from him. GUIDO, about to rush after her, cannot because the finale is beginning and he must join in. LUISA sobs in a corner. CALRA stares aghast from another corner. GUIDO tries to act as if all is well.) [GUIDO] (as the SPA PEOPLE sing in the background: "Row me, row me, down the grand canal..." "Its resemblance to life is not obscure...") This is the grand canal I love it! I love it! I'm happy with you On the grand canal It is filled with the milk of human kindness In spite of the fact It's really a sewer But don't let that spoil your morale It's a grand Canal! CUT! PRINT!