You’re the Top

Lyrics

[RENO, spoken] You think some teabag can compete with you? You think he's got one tiny fraction of your brains? Your looks? Your... (sung) At words poetic, I'm so pathetic That I always have found it best Instead of getting 'em off my chest To let 'em rest unexpressed I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar But if this ditty is not so pretty But least it'll tell you how great you are You're the top You're the Colosseum You're the top You're the Louvre Museum You're a melody From a symphony by Strauss You're a Bendel bonnet A Shakespeare sonnet You're Mickey Mouse You're the Nile You're the Tower of Pisa You're the smile On the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check A total wreck, a flop But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top [BILLY] Your words poetic are not pathetic On the other hand, babe, you shine And I can feel after every line A thrill divine down my spine Now gifted humans like Vincent Youmans Might think that your song is bad But I got a notion I'll second the motion And this is what I'm going to add You're the top You're Mahatma Gandhi You're the top You're Napoleon Brandy You're the purple light Of a summer night in Spain You're the National Gallery You're Garbo's salary You're cellophane You're sublime You're a turkey dinner You're the time Of the Derby winner I'm a toy balloon That's fated soon to pop But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top [RENO] You're the top You're an arrow collar You're the top You're a Coolidge dollar You're the nimble tread Of the feet of Fred Astaire You're an O'Neill drama [BILLY] You're Whistler's mama [RENO] You're Camembert [BILLY] You're a rose You're Inferno's Dante [RENO] You're the nose On the great Durante I'm just in a way As the French would say, "de trop" But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top [BILLY] You're the top You're a dance in Bali You're the top You're a hot tamale You're an angel, you Simply too, too, too diveen You're a Boticcelli You're Keats [RENO] You're Shelly [BILLY] You're Ovaltine [RENO] You're a boon You're the dam at Boulder [BILLY] You're the moon Over Mae West's shoulder I'm the nominee of the G.O.P [RENO] Or GOP [BILLY] But if, baby, I'm the bottom [RENO] But if, baby, I'm the bottom [BOTH] But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top [BILLY] You're the top You're my Swanee River [RENO] You're the top You're a goose's liver [BILLY] You're the baby grand Of a lady and a gent [RENO] You're a dress from Saxes You're next year's taxes [BILLY] You're Pepsodent [RENO] You're a prize You're a night at Coney [BILLY] You're the eyes Of Irene Bordoni [RENO] I'm a frightened frog That can find no log to hop [BOTH] But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top [RENO] You're the top You're a Waldorf salad [BILLY] You're the top You're a Berlin ballad [RENO] You're the boats that glide On the sleepy Zuiderzee You're an old Dutch master [BILLY] You're Lady Astor [RENO] You're broccoli [BILLY] You're romance You're the steppes of Russia [RENO] You're the pants On a Roxy usher I'm a broken doll [BILLY] A folderol [BOTH] A blop [RENO] But if, baby, I'm the bottom [BILLY] But if, baby, I'm the bottom [BOTH] But if, baby, I'm the bottom You're the top