Song Meaning
The lyrics paint a picture of overwhelming emotional and psychological strain, where the narrator feels bombarded by external demands and internal turmoil. The opening lines, "One disorder / Or another," immediately establish a sense of chaos and a feeling of being unable to cope with multiple issues. This is amplified by the ironic twist on "due process," suggesting a lack of fairness or understanding in how these burdens are being handled. The narrator seems to be struggling to maintain a sense of self amidst this pressure, questioning their ability to even capture someone's attention or interest.
The central tension arises from the narrator's internal experience versus external perception, particularly in relation to another person. The repeated question, "Can i take your order?" juxtaposed with "Can i take how you ignored her?" highlights a disconnect between transactional interactions and emotional neglect. The profound sense of "not exist" is a powerful indicator of the narrator's struggle for validation and presence. This feeling is further complicated by the narrator's active engagement with "disassociation," described as a "blissful abyss," suggesting a coping mechanism that offers temporary escape but comes with its own set of implications, including witnessing the other person "weaponize" intimate moments.
A striking element of the craft is the deliberate play on the word "process." It appears in multiple contexts: "a lot to process," "due process," and finally, "I guess this my process." This repetition underscores the narrator's attempt to make sense of their overwhelming situation, framing their internal struggle and coping mechanisms as their own unique, albeit difficult, method of processing life. The contrast between the "blissful abyss" of disassociation and the harsh reality of another person's actions creates a disorienting yet compelling emotional landscape.
Ultimately, these lyrics resonate because they articulate a profound sense of being overwhelmed and unseen. The narrator's journey through internal "disorders" and their attempt to navigate external interactions, particularly the weaponization of intimacy and the feeling of non-existence, creates a raw and relatable portrayal of psychological distress. The final defiant lines, "I don't give a fuck what you think you know / Look at you, you don't know," serve as a powerful assertion of their internal reality against external judgment, even as they grapple with profound internal fragmentation.
