How to Raise a Child

Lyrics

(Lights come up on the Cat.) [Cat, spoken] An invisible world. Amazing, but true. Let's zoom out of Horton and zoom in through Who, but can you guess who enters the story now? [Jo, spoken] Who? [Cat, spoken] You! (The Cat pushes Jojo into the story.) [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Here's our tiny Who family on a small rainy day. [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] Mom and Dad are just home from the Who PTA. [Mrs. Mayor] He was Mommy's little boy. [Mr. Mayor] He was daddy's little man. [Mr. Mayor & Mrs. Mayor] He was never any trouble 'til this (spoken) "thinking thing" began. [Mr. Mayor] We must both lay down the law. [Mrs. Mayor] Will he hate us? [Mr. Mayor] Maybe so. [Mr. Mayor & Mrs. Mayor] Oh, where are the instructions on how to raise a child Who has the instructions on how to raise a child Who has all the answers? I don't know. [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Jojo! I'm the mayor of Who. Why I've just been elected. And upright behavior is thus forth expected. [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] But we've just had a talk with your teachers today and they didn't have one single good thing to say! [Mr. Mayor, spoken] You invented new thinks which defy all description! [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] You gave Miss O'Dooley a nervous conniption! [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Your thinks were so wild they disrupted your classes and made Mrs. Mackel-Who drop her new glasses. Which is why you're suspended! [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] Yes, that's what they said! [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Young man, what in Who has got into your head?! [Jojo, spoken] I...um... (Jojo looks to the Cat for help, but the Cat makes it clear he's on his own.) [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Now Horton has found us. We're safe on a clover. But clearly, our troubles are far, far from over. [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] We don't mean to scold you. We love you, oh, yes, dear. But couldn't you try thinking just a bit less, dear? [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Stop telling such outlandish tales. [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] Stop turning minnows into whales! [Mr. Mayor, spoken] Now take your bath and go to bed. [Mrs. Mayor, spoken] And think some normal thinks instead!