The Military

Lyrics

[GENERAL GENGHIS KHAN SCHMITZ] (spoken) I'm General Genghis Khan Schmitz! I scare children out of their wits. [SCHMITZ] (singing) BUT YOU'LL SEE AT A GLANCE, SIR, MY SCHOOL IS THE ANSWER FOR SHIRKERS AND DREAMERS AND TWITS. AND IN THIS CASE, I'D SAY THE SHOE FITS! [SCHMITZ] (spoken) Ten hut! Feet together! Chin up. Eyes on the prize. Forward...h-a-a-rch! (JOJO begins to march in place.) [SCHMITZ] (singing) THE MILITARY ACADEMY IS THE PLACE WHERE HE SHOULD BE SENT. WE'LL DRILL THE SILLINESS FROM HIS HEAD— [SCHMITZ] (spoken) I'm sure we'll make a dent! [SCHMITZ] (singing) WE'LL TEACH HIM FIGHTING AND LEFT AND RIGHTING UNTIL HE'S MUSCLED AND TAN! A-HUT-TWO-THREE! HE'S PATHETIC! A-HUT-TWO-THREE! [SCHMITZ] (spoken) Unathletic! [SCHMITZ] (singing) A-HUT-TWO-THREE! BUT I'M BETTING WE CAN! THE MILITARY! THAT'S WHAT MAKES A BOY... A MAN! (CADETS enter.) [CADETS] SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ! [SCHMITZ] (spoken) Look at these boys. Why, you'd never know that just a few short months ago, this one hummed in the shower! This one couldn't color within the lines. And this one actually had an Opinion! [SCHMITZ] (singing) OUR BOYS BELIEVE IN THE RIGHT OF EVERY WHO TO EAT THEIR BREAD BUTTER SIDE UP! [CADETS] (spoken) Butter side up! [SCHMITZ] (singing) ONE THING WE TRUST ON THIS FRAGILE SPECK OF DUST: IS EATING BREAD BUTTER SIDE UP! [JOJO] (spokеn) Butter side up? [SCHMITZ] (singing) AND AS FOR THOSE WHO LIKE THEIR BUTTER DOWN– [CADETS] (spoken) Down! Down! Down! [SCHMITZ, & CADETS] WE'LL GO TO WAR AND RUN THEM OUT OF TOWN! (DANCE BREAK, in which thе CADETS perform military exercises. JOJO tries to imitate them with little success.) [CADETS, & (SCHMITZ, spoken)] A-HUT-TWO-THREE (We enlist 'em.)! A-HUT-TWO-THREE (In our system.) [SCHMITZ] (singing) AND BOYS SOON SEE NOTHING'S EASIER THAN... THE MILITARY! THAT'S WHAT MAKES A BOY... [CADETS] THAT'S WHAT MAKES A BOY... THAT'S WHAT MAKES A BOY... THAT'S WHAT MAKES A BOY... [SCHMITZ, & CADETS] A MAN!!! (SCHMITZ starts a "marching call" and the CADETS begin to march off in line. JOJO tries to keep up.) [SCHMITZ] I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! [CADETS] I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! [SCHMITZ] I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM! [CADETS] DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM! [SCHMITZ] SOUND OFF! [CADETS] EGGS AND HAM! [SCHMITZ] SOUND OFF! [CADETS] SAM-I-AM! [SCHMITZ, & CADETS] I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS... [SCHMITZ, & CADETS] (spoken) And ham! [CADETS] (singing) SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ, SCHMITZ... (JOJO's PARENTS are gone as the scene transitions to JOJO's military school. HE is now alone in his bunk bed. Simultaneously we see HORTON alone, guarding his clover. Night falls.)