How To Raise A Child

Lyrics

[MRS. MAYOR] (singing) HE WAS MOMMY'S LITTLE BOY. [MAYOR] HE WAS DADDY'S LITTLE MAN. [MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR] HE WAS NEVER ANY TROUBLE TILL THIS... "THINKING THING" BEGAN! [MAYOR] WE MUST BOTH LAY DOWN THE LAW. [MRS. MAYOR] WILL HE HATE US? [MAYOR] MAYBE SO. [MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR] OH, WHERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD? WHO HAS THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO RAISE A CHILD? WHO HAS ALL THE ANSWERS? I DON'T KNOW. (The CAT pops up and hands them a brochure.) [MRS. MAYOR] (spoken) (Reading) Does your child give you troubles? Do his grades keep on shrinking? [MAYOR] (Reading) Does he drive teachers wild With his uncontrolled thinking? [MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR] (Reading) As a parent, are you Overwhelmed? Insecure? The help that you seek Is inside this brochure! (An alarm clock goes off, loudly. JOJO's PARENTS put on big, cheerful smiles and wake him.) [MAYOR] (singing) IT'S NINE, SON. RISE AND SHINE, SON. IT'S A VERY SPECIAL DAY! [MRS. MAYOR] GET DRESSED, DEAR. LOOK YOUR BEST, DEAR. SOON YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY. [MAYOR] NOW, HERE IS YOUR PENCIL. [MRS. MAYOR] HERE ARE YOUR MITTENS. [MAYOR, & MRS. MAYOR] HERE IS YOUR SWORD— [JOJO] (spoken) My...sword? (The CAT IN THE HAT blows a fanfare as GENERAL GENGHIS KHAN SCHMITZ arrives grandly.)