Biggest Blame Fool

Lyrics

[SOUR KANGAROO] (spoken) Humpf!...humpfed a voice. [SOUR KANGAROO] (singing) 'TWAS A SOUR KANGAROO. AND THE YOUNG KANGAROO IN HER POUCH SAID: (The SOUR KANGAROO reveals her child. She is also the voice of the YOUNG KANGAROO.) [YOUNG KANGAROO] (spoken) "Humpf!" [SOUR KANGAROO] (singing) TOO! [SOUR KANGAROO] (spoken) Why, that speck is as small as the head of a pin. A person on that? Why, there never has been! (SHE laughs derisively.) [SOUR KANGAROO] (singing) YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL AND I DON'T CARE WHO I TELL. THE BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL, [YOUNG KANGAROO] AND I THINK SO AS WELL! [SOUR KANGAROO] MAYBE I'M NASTY, MAYBE I'M CRUEL BUT YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BLAME FOOL [YOUNG KANGAROO] IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL. [HORTON] (spoken) It's true. Please believe me. I tell you sincerely, My ears are quite keen and I heard him quite clearly. I know there's a pеrson down there. And what's more, Quitе likely there's two. Even three. Even four. (The WICKERSHAM BROTHERS enter–a trio of monkeys up to mischief.) [WICKERSHAM BROTHER #2] "HA!" LAUGHED A VOICE! [WICKERSHAM BROTHERS #1, & 3] "HA!" LAUGHED SOME OTHERS! [WICKERSHAM BROTHERS] "HA! HA! HA!" LAUGHED THE WICKERSHAM BROTHERS! (They dance with glee.) OH, HE'S THE BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL AND MONKEYS LIKE US SHOULD KNOW. [SOUR KANGAROO] NO, NO, NO, NO! [WICKERSHAMS] WE'VE BEEN OUT ON A LIMB LOOKIN' DOWN ON HIM– [WICKERSHAM #1] AND HE'S FAT! [WICKERSHAM #2] HE'S DUMB! [WICKERSHAM #3] HE'S SLOW! [SOUR KANGAROO] UH HUH! [SOUR KANGAROO, & WICKERSHAMS] ELEPHANTS AIN'T TOO SWIFT AS A RULE BUT HE'S THE BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL. 'CAUSE HE'S TALKIN' TO A SPECK TALKIN' TO A SPECK TO A SPECK OF DUST [WICKERSHAM #3] BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL. [WICKERSHAMS, BIRD GIRLS, & SOUR KANGAROO] TALKIN' TO A SPECK TALKIN' TO A SPECK TO A SPECK OF DUST! [WICKERSHAM #3] BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL [SOUR KANGAROO] (spoken) R-E-S-P-E-C-K! Oh, please! Take that speck away! [ALL] DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU, DID YOU HEAR? [BIRD GIRLS] (spoken) Through the Jungle, the news quickly flew! [ALL] (singing) DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU, DID YOU HEAR? [BIRD GIRLS] (spoken) He talks to a dust speck! [BOY] It's on Channel Two! (The BOY instantly envisions the whole scene on TV. The CAT IN THE HAT now plays a TALK SHOW HOST of the "sympathetic" variety, ala Sally Jesse Raphael, microphone in hand.) [CAT IN THE HAT] (as TALK SHOW HOST) Our topic today is "Psychic Elephants Who Hear Voices." Whaddaya think, folks. Is the elephant off his trunk? (NOTE: The CAT may improvise and ad lib with the audience here.) We'll be right back with "speck", "clover", "dust", "neighbor", "Who"... (CAT holds the microphone to the clover for a beat.) Nothing! Stay tuned! We'll be right back! (The CAT now interviews GERTRUDE McFUZZ, a plain bird with a one-feather tail.) [ALL] (singing) BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL [GERTRUDE McFUZZ] (spoken) I'm Gertrude McFuzz, and I live right next door. He's never done anything crazy before. [ALL] (singing) BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL [GERTRUDE] (spoken) He's always been friendly and loyal and kind. I just don't believe Horton's out of his mind! [ALL] (singing) DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU, DID YOU HEAR? (The glamorous and flamboyant MAYZIE LaBIRD is now interviewed.) [MAYZIE LaBIRD] (spoken) I'm Mayzie LaBird And I live in that tree. [ALL] (singing) DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU, DID YOU HEAR? [MAYZIE] (spoken) Enough about Horton. Let's talk about me! [MAYZIE, & BIRD GIRLS] (singing) LET'S TALK ABOUT, TALK ABOUT, TALK ABOUT, TALK ABOUT... ME! [ALL] (except HORTON, & GERTRUDE) TALKIN' TO A SPECK TALKIN' TO A SPECK TO A SPECK OF DUST [WICKERSHAM #3, & (SOUR KANGAROO, riffs)] BLAME FOOL IN THE (JUST A FOOL) JUNGLE OF NOOL (JUST A FOOL) [ALL] (except HORTON, & GERTRUDE) TALKIN' TO A SPECK TALKIN' TO A SPECK TO A SPECK OF DUST [WICKERSHAM #3, & (SOUR KANGAROO, riffs)] BLAME FOOL IN THE (JUST A FOOL) JUNGLE OF NOOL (JUST A FOOL) [HORTON] I JUST HAVE TO SAVE THEM, BECAUSE AFTER ALL A PERSON'S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW SMALL. [HORTON, & GERTRUDE] A PERSON'S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW... (Their intimate moment is interrupted by the others.) [ALL] (except HORTON & GERTRUDE) BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL! HE'S THE WORST WE EVER SAW! [BIRD GIRLS] TELLIN' LIES, MAKIN' JOKES [WICKERSHAMS] IT'S AN ELEPHANT HOAX! [YERTLE THE TURTLE, WICKERSHAMS, & BIRD GIRLS] BROTHER, THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW! [SOUR KANGAROO, BIRD GIRLS, WICKERSHAMS, YERTLE, MAYZIE] BREAKIN' THE PEACE, CREATIN' A FUSS! [SOUR KANGAROO] (spoken) Somebody's thinkin' different than us! [ALL] (except GERTRUDE & HORTON, sung) BIGGEST BLAME FOOL IN THE JUNGLE OF [ALL] NOOL, NOOL, NOOL! IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL, NOOL, NOOL! IN THE JUNGLE OF NOOL... (The CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE begin to exit.) [CITIZENS OF THE JUNGLE] WHO WHO WAH DAH WHO WHO [WICKERSHAMS] WHO WAH DAH DAH DAH BETTER LOOK OUT, WHO WHO WAH DAH BETTER LOOK OUT, HORTON, WHO WHO BETTER LOOK OUT WHO WAH DAH DAH DAH WHO WHO WAH DAH [WICKERSHAM #1] WHO WHO OR SOMEONE'S GONNA GET WHO WAH DAH DAH DAH YOUR CLOVER! WHO WHO WAH DAH WHO WHO [WICKERSHAMS] WHO WAH DAH DAH DAH BETTER LOOK OUT, WHO WHO WAH DAH BETTER LOOK OUT, HORTON, WHO WHO BETTER LOOK OUT, BETTER LOOK OUT! (GERTRUDE remains behind for one moment, looking at HORTON longingly.) [GERTRUDE] ON THE FIFTEENTH OF MAY, MISS GERTRUDE McFUZZ DISCOVERED HOW TRULY UNIQUE HORTON WAS. BUT SHE KNEW TO APPROACH HIM WOULD PROBABLY FAIL, [GERTRUDE] (spoken) 'Cause who'd notice a bird [GERTRUDE] (singing) WITH A ONE FEATHER TAIL? (GERTRUDE exits dejectedly. HORTON is alone with the speck. He listens closely.) [MAYOR] (spoken) (Offstage, tiny, distant) Help! Help! [CAT] Then the voice came again, Calling over and over– [MAYOR] (Offstage, tiny, distant) Help!! [CAT] So he tried to think, Who might be down on that clover. [HORTON] Hello? Is anyone there? (MAYOR and MRS. MAYOR are revealed.) Who are you?