Lyrics

[Jon Stewart] Can I interest you in Hanukkah? Maybe something in a Festival of Lights It's a sensible alternative to Christmas And it lasts for seven--for you--eight nights [Stephen Colbert] Hanukkah, huh? I've never really thought about it [Jon Stewart] Well' you could do worse [Stephen Colbert] Is it merry? [Jon Stewart] It's kind of merry [Stephen Colbert] Is it cheery? [Jon Stewart] It's got some cheer [Stephen Colbert] Is it jolly? [Jon Stewart] Look' I wouldn't know from jolly But it's not my least unfavorite time of year [Stephen Colbert] When's it start? [Jon Stewart] The 25th [Stephen Colbert] Of December? [Jon Stewart] Kislev [Stephen Colbert] Which is when exactly? [Jon Stewart] I will check [Stephen Colbert] Are there presents? [Jon Stewart] Yes' indeed, 8 days of presents Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck [Stephen Colbert] Does Hanukkah commemorate Events profound and holy? A king who came to save the world? [Jon Stewart] No' oil that burned quite slowly [Stephen Colbert] Well, it sounds fantastic! [Jon Stewart] There's more! We have latkes [Stephen Colbert] What are they? [Jon Stewart] Potato pancakes We have dreidels [Stephen Colbert] What are they? [Jon Stewart] Wooden tops We have candles [Stephen Colbert] What are- [Jon Stewart] THEY ARE CANDLES! And when we light them Oh the fun it never stops What do you say, Stephen Do you want to give Hanukkah a try? [Stephen Colbert] I'm trying to see me as a Jew I'm trying even harder But I believe in Jesus Christ So it's a real non-starter [Jon Stewart] I can't interest you in Hanukkah? Just a little bit? [Stephen Colbert] No thanks' I'll pass I'll keep Jesus You keep your potato pancakes But I hope that you enjoy 'em On behalf of all the goyim [Jon Stewart] Be sure to tell the Pontiff My people say "gut yontif" [Stephen Colbert] That's exactly what I'll do [Both] Happy holidays, you [Jon Stewart] Too! [Stephen Colbert] Jew! [Jon Stewart] Too?