St. George and the Dragonet

Lyrics

[Narrator:] The legend you are about to hear is true. Only the needle should be changed to protect the record. [St. George:] This is the countryside. My name is St George. I'm a knight. Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm, I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch when a call came in from the Chief. A dragon had been devouring maidens; homicide. My job, slay him. [St. George:] You call me, Chief? [Chief:] Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The King's daughter may be next. [St. George:] Mmm-hmm. You got a lead? [Chief:] Oh, nothing much to go on. Say, did you take that .45 automatic into the lab to have them check on it? [St. George:] Yeah, you were right. [Chief:] I was right? [St. George:] Yeah, it was a gun. 8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been devoured. [St. George:] Could I talk to you, Ma'am? [Maiden:] Who are you? [St. George:] I'm St. George, Ma'am. Homicide, Ma'am. Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am, is that right, dragon? [Maiden:] It was terrible. He breathed fire on me. He burned me already! [St. George:] How can I be sure of that, Ma'am? [Maiden:] Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth. [St. George:] 11:45 pm, I rode over the King's Highway. I saw a man, stopped to talk to him. Pardon me, Sir. Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir? [Knave:] Sure, I don't mind. [St. George:] What do you do for a living? [Knave:] I'm a knave. [St. George:] Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts? [Knave:] Yeah, so what, you wanna make a federal case out of it? [St. George:] No Sir, we heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood. We just want to know if you've seen him. [Knave:] Sure, I've seen him. [St. George:] Mmm-hmm, could you describe him for me? [Knave:] What's to describe? You see one dragon, you seen 'em all! [St. George:] Would you try to remember, Sir, just for the record? We just want to get the facts, Sir. [Knave:] Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots... [St. George:] Yes, Sir. [Knave:] Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke... [St. George:] Mmm-hmm. [Knave:] And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and uh, like that. [St. George:] Notice anything unusual about him? [Knave:] No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know. [St. George:] Mmm-hmm. Yes Sir, you can go now. [Knave:] Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him? [St. George:] I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet. 3:05 pm, I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to the lab. Then it happened. It was the dragon. [Dragon:] Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon! You must be St George, right? [St. George:] Yes, Sir. [Dragon:] I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords. [St. George:] That's about the size of it. [Dragon:] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, you slay me! [St. George:] That's what I wanted to talk to you about. [Dragon:] What do you mean? [St. George:] I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out. [Dragon:] What's the charge? [St. George:] Devouring maidens out of season. [Dragon:] Out of season? You'll never pin that rap on me! Do you hear me, cop? [St. George:] Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too. [Dragon:] A 412? What's a 412?! [St. George:] Over-acting. Let's go. [Narrator:] On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted. His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked. Maiden devouring out of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50, or more than 300 years.