Cheese Nips

Lyrics

[SYLVIA] Cheese nips They want cheese nips They poo poo the p�t� du pays But the cheese nips They like cheese nips And they're not even touching the brie [DELBERT, spoken] Hey, Diana, what's that grey stuff over there? [DIANA, spoken] Don't ask me. [JEROME, spoken] Hey, Diana, can I have a coke? [SYLVIA] Cola, Coca-Cola It's forget the Moet and Chandon Okay, let's see There's some Pepsi God, the whole bowl of cheese nips is gone Mother Mary, the ham's from Westphalia And the lamb I had flown from Australia Bet they'll want it well-done Or sliced thin on a bun With a sauce Orange sauce McDonald's sauce [JEROME, spoken] You see, nobody wanted to go out with me on account of my skin. Even tawny Wainwright, before her stepdad knocked her up... [ELIOT, spoken] She called me about that last week. [JEROME, spoken] Now she wouldn't go out with me neitheruntil if I had a motorcycle, which is why I have a motorcycle. But since I lost m'job down to the Kandy Kitchen, I can't keep up them payments and I... [ELIOT, spoken] How much? [SYLVIA] Cheese nips Little cheese nips Bet they dip 'em in Kraft sandwich spread Bet they'd eat a Whole Velveeta Bet they'd love it I wish I was dead Oh the wurst was the best and Bavarian True the caviar's utilitarian But it does come from Russia And surely deserves to be tried Bet you they'd Want it fried [MARY, spoken] You see, I'm afraid it's gonna be twins again. You know my family, we got that twin gene or something. And I already got the pair without a name. The medical care gets real expensive, and they took my credit away at sears and roebuck when I was locked up on that trumped up, nogood, pack of lies, shoplifting charge ... [DIANA, spoken] Louise got the flu and Helen's got scabies and Lorraine's got to have awhatchacallemhysterectory, but other than that, the girls are fine. [DAWN, spoken] Miz Rosewater, I just think your hair looks so pretty like that, with them little blond streaks. I'd like to have Bella down to Bella's Beauty Nook take a look into streakin' mine that way. [SYLVIA] Crunching and munching them louder and louder They're crunching and munching them louder and louder Oh god, now it's deafening Jesus, what's happening? What'll I do? What's that on my shoe? It's pink It smells icky Oh Jesus, it's sticky My rug! My poor rug! They killed my rug! [ELIOT, spoken] Hey, Charley, come on in. Where's Sylvia? Sylvia, Charley Warmergran's here. You all know fire chief Charley Warmergran, don't you? Sylvia? Sylvia? [SYLVIA] Cheese nips Little cheese nips They make beautiful bright yellow crumbs Cheese nips Little cheese nips You must serve them when company comes Cheese nips Cheese nips [ALL] Back home again in Indiana [VOICE NOT UNLIKE GOD'S, spoken] Late that night, Sylvia Rosewater attempted to burn down the Rosewater Township Volunteer Fire House. She was committed to a private mental hospital, in Indianapolis.