Beverly

Song Meaning

The narrator's current lifestyle is a stark contrast to their past, marked by a profound sense of isolation despite outward success. Once content with nothing and free from envy, they now find themselves trapped in a cycle of partying that has become a destructive "vice." This shift has alienated them, leaving a "bigger list of enemies" and a void where genuine connection should be. The repeated question, "What the fuck, what am I doing with my life?" underscores a deep existential crisis. The central tension lies in the narrator's struggle with fame and its consequences, framed as the "death of a superstar." They acknowledge chasing "identity" and "chaos" as a coping mechanism, using "art that kept me safe." However, this pursuit has led to overwhelming "anxiety" and a feeling of being consumed by dark memories, to the point of physical distress, gripping their chest. The lyrics suggest a profound disconnect between their public persona and internal reality. The most striking craft element is the relentless repetition of the chorus, hammering home the narrator's loneliness and confusion. The stark contrast between past "nothing" and present "enemies" and "bitches" highlights the hollowness of their current existence. The phrase "lighting up the dark with art" offers a fleeting glimpse of purpose, but it's immediately overshadowed by the overwhelming "anxiety" and the desperate plea to God. These lyrics hit hard because they articulate a raw, unflinching look at the dark side of success and self-destruction. The direct, almost brutal questioning of their own life choices, coupled with the physical manifestation of anxiety, creates a powerful sense of desperation. The narrator's vulnerability in admitting their isolation and confusion, even amidst a life that seems outwardly driven by excess, makes their struggle feel intensely real and disquieting.