Used to It

Song Meaning

Sharon Van Etten’s "Used to It" doesn't offer easy answers, but instead, it sits in the discomfort of repeated emotional expenditure. The song's core question, "Are you used to it / Pouring out your life?" acts as both accusation and empathetic inquiry. The lyrics suggest a relationship, perhaps familial or romantic, marked by a draining dynamic. Van Etten isn't necessarily singing about grand betrayals, but rather the insidious wear and tear of constant emotional output. The opening lines – "Hand, skin / The memory lies / Safe at the helm of reunion" – hint at a past intimacy now burdened by unspoken history. There's a sense of being trapped in familiar patterns, where the reunion itself becomes a stage for re-enacting old wounds. The phrase "Similar blood" reinforces this feeling of inescapable connection, tinged with a sense of obligation or perhaps even resentment. The "rainstorm" metaphor implies someone prone to emotional outbursts or instability, constantly seeking solace or validation. "Seems your heart is criminal-like / Sitting on the fences of real life" is a particularly evocative image, suggesting someone emotionally guarded, hesitant to fully commit or be vulnerable. This guardedness, however, stems from a deeper "love affair," one that haunts and shapes their present interactions. The repeated question, "Are you used to it?" becomes a mantra of weary resignation. It speaks to the normalization of emotional labor, the point where pouring out one's life becomes a default setting, a conditioned response rather than a freely given act of love or compassion. Is it strength, or is it a slow form of self-destruction? Van Etten doesn’t say, leaving the listener to grapple with the ambiguity.