You’re The Worst

Lyrics

[FESTE] My friend, I know you best But I like you anyway And a real pal tells the truth Warts and all the way Instead of a phony toast You deserve an honest roast So let's all raise a glass To my favorite pain in the ass (spoken) To Sir Toby Belch! [SIR ANDREW & FABIAN & BUDDIES] To Sir Toby Belch! (sung) [FESTE] You're the worst You're a slouch [SIR TOBY, spoken] Here we go... [FESTE] A potato gone bad on the couch [SIR ANDREW] You're a leech And a glut [FABIAN] And your ego's as big as your gut [FESTE] Your burps are so famous they're part of your name You smell like perfume made of whiskey and shame So let me tell you first That you are the worst [SIR ANDREW & FABIAN & BUDDIES] You are the worst! [FESTE] Who is the worst? [SIR ANDREW & FABIAN & BUDDIES] Toby's the worst! [SIR ANDREW, spoken] A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight [SIR TOBY, spoken] To Sir Andrew! [SIR TOBY & FABIAN & BUDDIES, spoken] To Sir Andrew! [SIR TOBY] You're the worst [SIR TOBY & FABIAN & BUDDIES] You're the worst! [SIR TOBY] You're a drag Can't flirt your way out of a paper bag [FESTE] You're a wimp And naive It says gullible there on your sleeve [SIR ANDREW, spoken] Where? [SIR TOBY] So you think you can dance But trust me, you can't [FABIAN] You've the wit of a toad and the brain of an ant [FESTE & SIR TOBY & FABIAN] So let me tell you first That you are the worst! [SIR TOBY & FABIAN & BUDDIES] You are the worst [FESTE] Who is the worst? [SIR TOBY & FABIAN & BUDDIES] Andrew's the worst! [MARIA, spoken] What a caterwauling do you keep here! For the love o' God, peace! [SIR TOBY, spoken] To Maria! [FESTE , SIR ANDREW & FABIAN & BUDDIES, spoken] To Maria! [SIR TOBY] You're the worst! [SIR TOBY] You're the… And you got... (spoken) Actually, Maria's kind of the best, I got nothing Anyone? [FESTE, SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW & FABIAN & BUDDIES] (Murmuring in agreement) No, yeah, she's pretty great. / Can't think of anything readily. / Hmm, you're right [SIR TOBY] To Feste! [SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] To Feste! (sung) [SIR TOBY] You're the worst [FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] You're the worst [SIR ANDREW] You're a fool! [FESTE, spoken] Clever [FABIAN] And you think you're just too cool for school [SIR TOBY] You're a smart-ass [SIR ANDREW] A smart-ass! [SIR TOBY] And a bum [SIR ANDREW, spoken] Bum-bum! [FABIAN] And your jokes are all pretty dumb [SIR ANDREW, spoken] Now who's dumb? [SIR TOBY] You try too sincerely to please every crowd And you play the accordion for crying out loud [FESTE, spoken] It's a beautiful instrument! [SIR TOBY] So let me tell you first That you are the worst! [SIR ANDREW, MARIA & FABIAN & BUDDIES] You are the worst! [SIR TOBY] Who is the worst? [SIR ANDREW, MARIA & FABIAN & BUDDIES] Feste's the worst! [SIR TOBY, spoken] No, I'm the worst! [SIR ANDREW, spoken] No, I'm the worst! [SIR TOBY, spoken] Feste said that I'm the worst! [MARIA, spoken] Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty much the worst [FESTE, SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] Good friends have x-ray vision They see through the mask that you wear Good friends laugh in derision To show you that they care! (Enter MALVOLIO, cutting off the music like a record scratch) [MALVOLIO, spoken] My masters, are you mad? Do you make an alehouse of my lady's house? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you? [SIR TOBY, spoken] To Malvolio! [FESTE, SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES, spoken] To Malvolio! [MALVOLIO, spoken] (Flattered) To me? [SIR TOBY] You're the worst [FESTE, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] You're the worst [MALVOLIO, spoken] The worst?! [SIR TOBY] You're a frown [MALVOLIO, spoken] Have you no manners? [SIR TOBY] And you poop every party in town You're a snob [MALVOLIO, spoken] Sir Toby, I must be- [SIR TOBY] And a snitch [MALVOLIO, spoken] I must be round with you- [SIR TOBY] A high-horse-ridin' son of a bitch [MARIA] Gun! [SIR TOBY] You think just cause you never had any fun [SIR ANDREW] That everyone else shall also have none! [SIR TOBY] I'm sure I'm not the first to say You're the worst [FESTE, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] You are the worst! [MALVOLIO, spoken] I am not the worst! [FESTE, SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] Malvolio's the worst [FESTE, spoken] He's actually the worst though [FESTE, SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, FABIAN & MARIA & BUDDIES] You are the worst Let's hear it for your true friends Who tell ya straight to your face That you're a disgrace! Hear hear!