HOW IT FEELS

Song Meaning

The narrator is grappling with profound emotional and physical damage, emphasizing a need for personal healing before re-engaging with others. The repeated assertion, "I won't be back until I heal," signals a deliberate withdrawal to process trauma. This isn't just about physical absence; it's a deep-seated need to mend a "shattered heart" and recover from the "scars" left by past experiences. The return is conditional, contingent on achieving a state of wholeness that negates the need to explain their suffering. The core tension lies in the contrast between the narrator's internal devastation and the external world's potential demand for explanation or interaction. The question "Why should I tell you how it feels?" underscores a weariness with recounting pain, especially when the visible "bruises" are already evidence of hardship. The family's fragmentation and the loss of friends suggest a profound isolation that has been exacerbated by whatever caused these wounds. The relentless repetition of "How it feels in the dark?" functions as a haunting refrain, mirroring the narrator's current state of being. This phrase evokes a sense of isolation, confusion, and perhaps fear associated with their suffering, which they are experiencing alone. The darkness isn't just a physical space but a metaphor for the emotional void and the unknown territory of their healing process. It's a question posed to themselves or to an unseen force, reflecting a deep uncertainty about their own condition. Ultimately, the lyrics resonate through their raw portrayal of pain and the resolute, albeit somber, commitment to self-preservation. The narrator's refusal to articulate their feelings until healed is a powerful statement about reclaiming agency over their narrative and emotional well-being. The "bruises" and "scars" are tangible markers of a struggle that has left them "shattered," and their current focus is solely on the arduous path toward recovery, away from judgment or unsolicited inquiry.