Lettuce

Lyrics

[Tag (over the black screen): "An SNL Digital Short"] [Dissolve to the exterior, apartment building. Pan down to stoop, where Andy sits glumly until Will appears from right and sits beside him] WILL: Hey. ANDY: Hey. WILL: I got your message. I'm so sorry. ANDY: Thanks. I just keep trying to tell myself he's in a better place, you know? WILL: Hey, you know, it's all right to feel sad. But the pain goes away. [Holds up a head of lettuce and takes a bite] ANDY: Yeah. I just wish there was a way to make it go away faster. [Also holds up a lettuce and takes a bite] WILL: I wish it would, too, bro. I wish it would, too. [Bites into his lettuce] ANDY: Every time the phone rings, I keep thinking it's going to be him, you know? And then I remember. [Bites into his lettuce] WILL: It's okay. Lеt it out. [Bites into his lettuce ] ANDY: [His mouth full of lеttuce as he speaks] I must look like such an idiot. WILL: Why? Because you care about something, and you're not afraid to show it? That's not an idiot. That's a hero. ANDY: What did I do to deserve you? [Bites into his lettuce] WILL: [Bites into his lettuce] You treated me like a friend. ANDY: I don't know what to say. [Bites into his lettuce] WILL: Sometimes, you don't need to say anything. [They continue to bite into their heads of lettuce together, as a stranger walks past from the left, also biting into a head of lettuce] ANNOUNCER: Through good times and bad–lettuce. [Cut to product graphic, with tag: "Paid for by the United Lettuce Growers Association"] [Fade]