Doppleganger

Lyrics

[Tag (over the black screen): "An SNL Digital Short"] [Fade in on three guys in shirts and ties sitting on a sidewalk bench and eating their lunches] SETH: [points] Oh, my God. That guy over there totally looks like you, Will. WILL: What? Where? SETH: Over there on the bench. [CUT to Will standing with one foot on a sidewalk bench. He is dressed exactly the same except for a fake mustache] WILL: That guy? No way, he doesn't look like me. SETH: Doesn't that look like him? ANDY: He looks like you. SETH: I mean, you have to imagine him without the mustache, but he's a dead ringer. WILL: Okay, I guess so. That's pretty good. Okay, Seth, I'm gonna try to find you. SETH: Good luck. [Will peers at passersby] WILL: Boom. Right there. [points to left] SETH: No, where? WILL: Over there by the wall. [Cut to Seth standing on the sidewalk and dressed exactly the same except for a top hat] SETH: [with his mouth full] Oh, come on, that guy looks nothing like me. WILL: Oh, my God, Andy, doеsn't that look like Seth? ANDY: It looks like you. SETH: What? That guy's got a big top hat, hе doesn't look anything like me. WILL: Well, you gotta imagine him without the top hat. He's your doppelganger, man. [Seth covers up the "lookalike's" top hat with two fingers] SETH: I guess, you know–yeah, I see it. All right, let's do Andy. WILL: Okay. [They all scan the streets for a long moment] SETH: [points] There he is. WILL: [points] Wait, I got one too. SETH: By the trash can? WILL: Same one. SETH: Yeah WILL: Oh, my God, that is you, Andy. [Cut to a street bum dressed in a green Army surplus jacket, bright red mittens, and jeans cut off at the calves] ANDY: That guy? SETH: Yeah, that guy. ANDY: He doesn't look anything like me. WILL: What, he looks exactly like you. SETH: I mean, you gotta look past the gloves. ANDY: Hey, it's not the gloves. That guy's a loser. WILL: Fine, who do you think you'd look like? ANDY: I don't know. [points to right] How about that guy? [Cut to Andy standing against a wall and dressed exactly the same except for a bright green bandanna around his neck] WILL: Yeah, that guy does not look anything like you. He's wearing a green bandanna around his neck. SETH: Yeah, I know–the first guy, that guy's your twin. ANDY: That guy... [In disgust, Andy stands up and walks over next to the street bum] ANDY: You think I look like this guy! [points at bum] WILL: Well, not now, he's wearing those gloves. ANDY: Okay, fine! [Andy pulls off the bum's gloves and throws them to the ground. The bum stands idly] ANDY: How about now? [Seth and Will stand up and look bewildered] SETH: Now I… now I can't tell 'em apart! Which one's Andy? ANDY: You gotta be kidding me! [Will and Seth stare for a moment, and then Will aims a handgun at them] WILL: I don't know which one to shoot. ANDY: What?! Why are you gonna shoot anyone?! SETH: Wait. We can ask him something that only Andy knows! Andy, what do you think about sandwiches? ANDY: I–uh–I–I love them! SETH: Andy does love sandwiches. WILL: Everyone loves sandwiches! SETH: You're right. Take the shot. ANDY: Don't take the shot! SETH: Take the shot! [Cut abruptly to a black screen as a gunshot rings out] [Cut to Seth and Will back on the bench. The street bum sits between them and finishes Andy's lunch] WILL: [sheepishly] I shot the wrong guy. SETH: Yeah. [They sit motionless for a moment] SETH: Back to work? WILL: Back to work. [to bum] Let's go, bozo. [All three stand up at once and walk calmly away] [Fade to black]