​boy i’d like to kill

Song Meaning

The lyrics paint a stark picture of someone grappling with intense pain, which they self-medicate with substances, leading to violent fantasies. The narrator explicitly states, "I just get high when I'm hurting," establishing a direct link between emotional distress and a dissociative state where "red" is seen. This isn't just anger; it's a chemical-induced rage that distorts cherished memories, turning them "all in blood." The core tension lies in the narrator's internal conflict between their self-proclaimed non-violent nature and the overwhelming urge to inflict harm. They acknowledge the object of their rage "like your lies like your bourbon," suggesting a history of deception and a perceived deservingness of retribution. The repeated phrase "I'm surprised you're not dead" underscores the extremity of these thoughts, a chilling contrast to the initial claim of not being violent. The most striking aspect is the juxtaposition of violent imagery with terms of endearment and care, particularly in the outro. The narrator declares, "You're not who I call my person anymore," severing a deep connection, yet later whispers "My baby, don't cry / I swear it won't hurt." This unsettling tenderness applied to a homicidal fantasy creates a deeply disturbing psychological portrait, suggesting a warped sense of protection or a desire to end suffering, either theirs or the other person's. This lyrical construction is effective because it forces the listener to confront the raw, unfiltered landscape of someone's darkest impulses. The raw, almost conversational tone, punctuated by the visceral repetition of "kill," makes the internal struggle feel immediate and terrifying. The contrast between the violent ideation and the soft, almost lullaby-like outro is what truly lingers, highlighting the complex and disturbing ways trauma and rage can manifest.