‘Tween a Rock an’ a Hard Place

Lyrics

[BISHOP, spoken] Floyd's in trouble, that's for sure But I's in much worse 'fore he could shave! So don't talk to me 'bout brave [DOYLE, spoken] I used to go for caves and stuff Back when I was scrawny enough to get down in there Thought I'd be a millionaire [BISHOP] Once when I was underground I heard an awesome sound above my head Thought for sure I's dead In a flash and like a flood Boulders, rocks and sand and mud Smashed me down [DOYLE, spoken] I do declare [BISHOP] Uh huh I cussed and screamed And hollered and swore Goddamn, I almost tore my arm off to do it But that's how you get through it It weren't no picnic, but by damn it was done 'Tween a rock and a hard place I been there plenty often 'Tween a rock and a hard place And I ain't in a coffin If you look death right in the face The hardest place'll soften That's where I thrive, I'm still alive At the reaper I'm a-scoffin', I'm a-scoffin' Ooh [JEWELL, spoken] Well now, Bishop, I'm impressed! I didn't know that you was blessed With such a fine imagination But I had a tougher situation [JEWELL] One day I'm fishin' in my boat Fall asleep and I start to float Down the river [BISHOP, spoken] Aw [DOYLE, spoken] Like a baby in a cradle [JEWELL, spoken] Shut up [JEWELL] When I wake, the water's white It takes me all my might To keep from flippin' Round and around she's a-whippin' 'Fore I even have time to think I'm bobbin' around, in the drink Cascading down to the brink Of a waterfall One hundred fifty-five foot tall! I thought, if I'm goin' straight to hell You know what, Lord, I might as well Enjoy it some 'Cause Devil, here I come! I said Hee hee Hee hee hee hee hee hee Ooh [BISHOP, DOYLE & JEWELL] Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo doo doo [JEWELL] I must've had a pretty good landin' 'Cause here I am before you standin' Am I not? I'm tough as snot [JEWELL & BISHOP] It weren't no picnic but by damn it was done [DOYLE, spoken] God damn, I was a soldier I'ma make you pansies hold your breath [JEWELL, spoken] My good granny, Doyle Now you goin' tell us that you was a soldier? [DOYLE, spoken] Let me tell you somethin' about death [JEWELL, spoken] Uh huh [DOYLE] Nineteen hundred seventeen Met the Germans, they was mean [JEWELL, spoken] What? [DOYLE] On the battlefield Thought my fate was sealed Shot a hole clean through my stomach Weren't much left to my stomach When they was done [JEWELL, spoken] That's right [DOYLE] Thought they had the battle won [BISHOP, spoken] Uh huh [DOYLE] Couldn't move an inch, couldn't get away Gushin' like a pig on slaughter day Didn't look like no bouquet of daffodils No sir! And they was comin' closer With my last mortar shell I blew those Germans back to Hell Where they belong! Correct me if I'm wrong [DOYLE, BISHOP & JEWELL] It weren't no picnic but by damn it was done And by damn it was fun [JEWELL, spoken] Everybody now [DOYLE, JEWELL & BISHOP] 'Tween a rock and a hard place I been there plenty often 'Tween a rock and a hard place And I ain't in a coffin If you look death right in the face The hardest place'll soften That's where I thrive, I'm still alive At the reaper I'm a-scoffin', I'm a-scoffin' At the reaper I'm a-scoffin'! Hoo!