When the Kids Get Married

Lyrics

[MICHAEL] When the kids get married I'm gonna spend each day in bed Chocolates in my pocket A pillow underhead I'm gonna read just what I please Even finish War and Peace I wish they'd marry soon! [MICHAEL, spoken] Agnes, would you pass me my collected Tolstoy, please? Ah, thank you Now if you'll just excuse me for a couple of years? [AGNES, spoken] Quite alright, dear, I have plans of my own [AGNES] When the kids get married I'm gonna teach myself to paint Nothing very fancy Something kind of quaint! I'm gonna paint the way we live Call it "early primitive" [AGNES & MICHAEL] I wish they'd marry soon [MICHAEL] When the kids get married I'm gonna play the saxophone Practice 'til I master Every golden tone Then when I've got my sax in hand I may form a little band! [AGNES & MICHAEL] I wish they'd marry soon [AGNES] When the kids get married I'm gonna try the violin Something nice and simple That's how I'll begin Then when I finish "Clair de Lune" I'll attack another tune [AGNES & MICHAEL] I wish they'd marry soon [MICHAEL, spoken] Agnes, here's your fiddle [AGNES, spoken] And Michael, here's your sax [MICHAEL, spoken] Thank you [AGNES, spoken] I've been waiting thirty years for this [They play their instruments together, badly.] [MICHAEL] When the kids get married We're gonna play for one and all [AGNES] Maybe give recitals At Philharmonic Hall [AGNES & MICHAEL] We're gonna be a double bill The oldest team in Vaudeville If they don't marry soon! [MICHAEL] I'm gonna spend a year in bed [AGNES] I'm gonna dye my hair bright red [MICHAEL] And I'm gonna learn to shoot some golf [AGNES] I'm gonna take my girdle off [MICHAEL] Play the sax [AGNES] Claire de Lune [AGNES & MICHAEL] Take a second honeymoon I wish they'd marry soon! [AGNES, spoken] Oh, Michael [MICHAEL, spoken] Yeah