I Hate Musicals

Lyrics

[LITA ENCORE] Honey, if I want to the theater I go see a play With no singing and dancing To get in the way Theatre is language And that should be all Music belongs at the Carnegie Hall Not a reason on earth As far as I know To write, mount, and open A musical show [LITA, spoken] Honey, I've been a theater critic for a hundred years, and it's always the same! [LITA] The story is moving Chock-full of suspense The plot takes a twist The mood is intense Then someone sings a song like this! It doesn't make sense Plеase, I hate musicals! Gangs don't look tough When thеy twirl and they snap My gorge starts to rise If a nun starts to tap And wouldn't you just love To slap Maria Von Trapp? [LITA, spoken] I'll tell you how to solve a problem like Maria: "Hey Rolf, she's over there!" [LITA] I hate musicals! The show may be a trainwreck And unworthy of praise Still they're sellin' t-shirts with their logos ablaze Producers don't care when a musical's floppin' As long as everybody's drinkin' and shoppin' I hate the genre It's all second rate When forced to see this drek I always come late From overture to curtain call It all turns me off I sit there and cough The whole night long 'Cause I hate musicals But not as much as I hate this song!